Props for the Original Lisbeth, and the Best.

I saw the new 'The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo' movie today. I'm not going to lie, I went in with very low expectations because I a) loved the original films so much; b) don't think an American one needed to be made so soon after the Swedish version was released and; c) hate Rooney Mara.

So I was a little biased, but truly willing to enjoy it. Because I love the damn series so much. And Lisbeth Salander hellz yeaaaahhh whatta babe.

It wasn't awful. Not at all. But the soundtrack was the best part (well done Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross, I want the music immediately). The worst part was the accents. From British to fake-Swedish to twangs of American  that shit was ALL OVER THE PLACE. Daniel Craig just seemed to give up on the Swedish early on and decided to just be a posh English bloke (who appears to constantly have pink eye, seriously, all the time, even in pap shots - he should get it checked out).

Was I supposed to love Mikael Blomqvist like I did in the original versions? Because Daniel Craig was so lacklustre and just 'there', that I had nothing to project onto. It was almost biazarre how blah he was. Not heroic at all. Also, apparently he reeeaaally had to let himself go for this film, eating "lots of pizza and drinking red wine", to make his character as "ordinary" as possible as opposed to James Bond. Okay, sure. Mmm...fail.

Sup, Fatty?

Then there are the extreme liberties that have been taken with the storyline. Duh, I know it's a Hollywood version. Duh, I know it's a film adaptation and details from novels are always changed to make it work for film...but I mean big plot points. Like, entire characters. The first movie was extremely successful and largely remained faithful to the source material. I'm just sayin'. It actually even made me confused. I've read the entire trilogy and am familiar with the storyline and I was like "WHAT? How can that happen???" Just...such superfluous changes.

Furthermore, in addition to the bad accents and weirdly altered storyline, there was a distinct lack of intensity in this film. If you've seen either version and/or read the book, you know there's a particularly pivotal, hardcore scene that takes place with Lisbeth and her guardian. In the first movie, I still watch it with my hands over my eyes, racing pulse, squirming in my seat, with a sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach and I feel like my heart is gonna drop out my ass. Today, watching the U.S. version, I flinched. I thought 'ew'. And then I carried on watching. I expected Hollywood to throw fireworks and action and just more excess into the re-make but they seem to have done the opposite and made it as bleak as possible. Again, it was fine, just lacking.

Finally, Rooney Mara. Surprisingly (shockingly) she was the least annoying person in this movie. I know. I totally hate her. And yet she looked really good, her body was sick, she didn't over-act (like I suspected). She did a fine job. However. Like the film as a whole, she was too...meh. There was NO intensity about her. I wasn't really rooting for her. She was almost dead in the eyes. Maybe that's the direction David Fincher was going, but it didn't ring true to the book or the first film, where I was fist-pumping for her and dancing around in my chair with nervous energy.

She just did not do enough to convince me that she was a better or more true or more believable Lisbeth. Everyone keeps banging on about how she got pierced and cut her hair for the role and therefore is totally amazing but I'm just saying...Noomi did it all first. She seemed like more of a badass, but also like she genuinely had feelings and was troubled and cared about what was happening. But Rooney, like I said, seemed kinda dead behind the eyes and blank. Which, again, could've been the direction they were going for but it was a lot less powerful. It sort of kills me that this version will go on to get so many heralding accolades (I have twitter, I see what people are saying) when Noomi Rapace was so perfect as Lisbeth. She IS Lisbeth. Always and forever. Please, please, if you haven't seen it and do want to watch the new one, also watch the original. Just so you can see the amazing Noomi. Or just watch the Swedish version. Hah! 

Behold, Rooney as Lisbeth:

And my girl, Noomi:

Seeeeeeeeee? She IS Lisbeth!!! You have to see her in the role. She's flawless. I love her.

Essentially, what I'm trying to say is, if you're going to make a remake of such a recent film and you don't improve on it or add a new dimension to the story...it is totally pointless. This film is totally pointless. It is not revolutionary, no does it make any impact on the world at all.

P.S. In the U.S. version, I actually find Rooney/Lisbeth's hair quite bizarre. It's quite a detailed, very specific, cut and throughout the film she has quite complex hairstyles happening. Lisbeth Salander, in my opinion, judging from the novels, would not be assed to style her hair in such elaborate do's on any given day. I just don't see it. Nor would she be bothered to (pointlessly) bleach her eyebrows on a regular basis. But I mean, that's just me.