Monday, January 16, 2012


The Golden Globes took place on Jan 16th and as you can imagine, I have a lot of thoughts. Mostly, they went along the lines of "WHAT? WHYYY?", "That person is drunk", "I want to sleep with that person", and "George Clooney, don't you know you don't need to have a lame-ass girlfriend to win these things? You're the Boss!"

But mostly I care about the clothes. Happily, THANKFULLY, there was NOT an overwhelming display of blush, nude, sparkly ballgown numbers around (though there was a lot of nudey peach, but that's more acceptable) but there also really wasn't much of anything really. I hope we can expect more from the Oscars because the Globes, in terms of outfits, were entirely underwhelming and the men impressed me much more than the women.

I've got a few blogs coming up, because if I write about all my feelings re: Globes in one post, it will go on forever and nobody will read it.

SO. We begin, of course, with worst dressed. This list sort of surprises/pains even me because so many of these beauteous creatures are usually on my Best Dressed List. And now they're not. Step up your game folks!

Worst Dressed

Oh, Amanda Peet. Did you wear this horrendous thing so that people would be talking about you again? Here's a hint: dress pretty and find a way to get me Jack and Jill on DVD and I'll talk about you then.

If you read my blog last week, you know my thoughts about Natalie Portman. And this disgusting, vile pink and red monstrosity has done nothing to assuage how I feel about her. PINK. AND. RED.

Ah, the first of the fishtail/mermaid gowns. This was a glaring trend last night and an awful one. You know me, I've always hated a fishtail. I don't think it suits ANYBODY, it's unflattering, it's weird and it looks like you can't walk. Too difficult. And not even The Body can make this silhouette work. Also it's just, like, an ugly dress.

I don't think Freida Pinto has ever made one of my Worsts lists, and yet, here she is. This makes me sad. The colour is kinda nice and the bodice fits well...that's about it really. The bottom part...well, it's unflattering at best.

Kate! Noooooooooo! I went back and forth with this one, but only after I saw this pic. During the red carpet and ceremony, I hated it. So I'm sticking with my original gut feeling. I'm thinking it didn't move very well? It looked like it didn't fit right, and yet, I quite like the top bit in this picture. Hmmm. Maybe it's just better stationary. That wasn't very helpful. Stoked she won though! ALSO: no Leo + Kate moment?! WTF?? THEY ARE BEST FRIENDS AND WE GET NOTHING?

The way I feel about Rooney Mara is akin to how I feel about Natalie Portman. However, Rooney is more open about the fact that she is a cunt (refers to herself as 'aloof', bitches about all her previous acting jobs which apparently were unworthy of her extreme talent, etc.) so I guess we give her props for that. She also, apparently, finds it beneath her to smile/show appreciation for being nominated/acknowledge what an honour this is for an actor or actress/demonstrate any form of humility/act like a decent human being. Take some lessons from Jessica Chastain, bitch.

HEY YOU GUYS, DID YOU KNOW THAT JESSICA BIEL IS GETTING MARRIED THIS YEAR? She turned up in a wedding dress, so I'm guessing that's why she was there? To remind us? That she gets to marry a loser cheater and be his #1 girl. Which he is finally cool with, coz she'll let him get his on the side, as long as she gets to be his bona fide? Ugh. Her career certainly isn't adequate enough reason to let her present "Best Television Series for a Comedy or Musical". Also, Leighton did it better last year, in Burberry.

Sigh, another painful one. Kristen Wiig I LOVE your ass, and I so, so wanted 'Bridesmaids' to win (you were robbed) and yet when you turn up like this, you give me no choice (I love commas!). There's no colour! Your hair is so dark and monochrome! I like your necklace though. And that you're currently banging Fabrizio Moretti from The Srokes. But mostly, I like how you used to look before you figured you had to 'grow up' or something.

Haha. Hahahahaha. Not only is this a butt-ugly dress, but Lea Michele actually looks like she's in pain, trying to contort herself into those positions. Have you seen her try to do it on film? She's become renowned for it now and people mock her...yet, she doesn't stop. Does she think she looks good? Does she think people admire her fierce contortions? Gurl, relax, we just want to shake you out.

Durrr. This is effing disgusting. I will give Madge props though for her new new face. It looks great, much better than her old new face.

I know. I KNOW. It's Meryl Streep. Who gives a shit what list she is on, she is above petty lists by pathetic anonymous bloggers, and yet...she was nominated. She was one of the frontrunners. What the hell? She usually turns it out when she thinks she has a chance of winning. I don't know.

Another one not usually on my Worst list! Sad, saggy blah black dress? Boring makeup? She was very, very 'meh' all evening, even in her interviews. Perk up, ladypants, you can't always be in a hugely nominated film! You take what you can!

Why is, Kelly Osbourne? Shit, I hate her. How dare she be allowed to provide commentary on other people's fashions when she turns up looking like this, and worse. Joan Rivers may be a kook but at least she's funny! Giuliana may not always be stunning but at least she's likeable! All Kelly does is point out when other women look fat and pat herself on the back for losing weight. Also, her hair is purple. Far out. I can't even...

So, Dianna Agron is a figure skater now? If Rachel McAdams only just barely pulled off her version (in context: Cannes, and she was the star of the premiere), Dianna should be slaughtered for even trying.

Oh. Piper Perabo. I don't even...I just...nope, I don't have anything. I just can't with this.

Reese Witherspoon is trying to be sexy now, did you know? Good for her, but 'sexy' ain't her bag. Beautiful, yes. Elegant, definitely. Sexy? Hellz no. On top of the fact that it was red (on the red carpet...) and it was a fishtail gown, it didn't fit right. It looked tight and bunched-up around her middle and reaaally precariously loose on her boobies. You can kind of see it in the second pic, but watching footage of her...I was worried we were gonna see the girls. Plus her hair just looks messy. Reese looks better sleek.

This one kpisses me off the most. Of all the people in Hollywood, Salma Hayek has no excuse. With her connections (her husband Francois-Henri Pinault is the CEO of a company that owns YSL, Gucci and Balenciaga to name a few) she should be wearing something amazing, not this disgusting shiny thing. Oh my God.

Tinaaaa!!!! Nooooooooo! I almost put this on the Best list, just because of Tina, but I really can't. It's a (voluminous!) fishtail, it's ruched in places it shouldn't be...eek. I WILL give her snaps for colour and a stunning, stunning face though. Her hair and makeup are divine. I'm sorry Tina. I love you. Always. Oh geez, I'm starting to sweat and my hands are shaking...I should put this in the best column, shouldn't I?! I LOVE YOUU <3

Zooey, not so much. I think she has finally moved herself from the 'cute and a little bit quirky' to just 'plain annoying' column. A lot of pictures in my Google search were of her doing stupid cutesy poses like that. Also, her 'custom' Prada dress fit badly and looked like it was about three different outfits in one. I like Emily better now! See how genuine and adorbs she looks?! OH AND look at the hideous sideburn type things happening with Zooey's hair!!! What IS that?!

Worst Boys

Adam Levine is SUCH a douchebag, I know this, and yet still he surprises me. I intensely dislike him. Also, he was incredibly, incredibly rude to Giuliana Rancic during his interview and she remained so charming and professional and sweet and I just wanted to punch him. Dude, why were you even there?! Shut your damn mouth with your goddamn attitude and refusal to answer questions - what the hell else was Giuliana supposed to ask you about (seeing as though you pretty much have no reason to be there)??? Ugh, sit DOWN Adam Levine. Props to Giuliana though, the consummate professional. Who, by the way, is battling breast cancer and a double mastectomy and would probably much rather be doing other things than interview your ungrateful, sanctominous ass so show some goddamn respect ADAM.

Duh. The douchiest of douchey douchebags. Such a vile sleaze and yet this twat gets celebrated and rewarded every day in Hollywood (I'm talking about his paycheck and being asked to present an award). Blegh.

Gerard Butler. I don't get it ladies/some gentlemen. Really? This scruffy, spitty, sleazebag? REALLY? I mean, sure I cried in 'P.S. I love you' but...really? Yes? This is a sexy dream guy for so many of you? I give up.

Stay tuned for my Best list + what I think were the most memorable moments.

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