Tuesday, May 31, 2011

a new face

HAH just kidding, don't be crazy, how self loathing and emo would that be?

I'm just kind of sick of my current overall 'look' at the moment. Sure, I'm still keen on long flowy hair (I can't remember the last time I had it this way), coral peachy cheeks/lips and 'natural' looking eyes (of course, we ladies and lady boys know exactly how much work goes into achieving this look).

BUT. I've been feeling a bit antsy lately. I want to change something but nothing tooo drastic. When I wore my hair short it was so much easier to shake things up - I just got another short, slightly different haircut. Boom. Instant facelift. It's taken me SO. LONG. to grow my hair out though! And it's been windy a lot lately so it floats behind me all pretty-like, therefore I'm keeping it.

So what to do?

WELL. On Saturday I bought a rather rad purple mascara from MAC!!! I know, I am awesome. I have been searching for a nice coloured mascara for a while now (don't 80s judge me, coloured mascaras are coming back, trust me) so it was a pleasant surprise to see MAC's new range which looks a little something like this:

Like I said, I got the purple one but I want electric blue next. Purple is a good choice though if you want something a bit more subtle. I've worn it twice now, and it's been noticed on each occasion, but only in the right light. If you've got a bit of flashy bright light around you and you have pretty dark lashes like me, you might get it to look like this (sometimes even a bit brighter, but I couldn't be bothered to keep taking pictures that really captured the right light, at the right angle, etc):

And in normal light, you might look like this:
As you can see, you also get quite a bit of length from this baby. PLUS it is actually super gorgeous with my staple coral makeup! As well as with pink, charcoal and black. Surprisingly versatile.

Next stop, hair. I AM SO BORED OF MY HAIR. Unless it's windy, as mentioned, and it's all floaty behind me. I used to cut my hair seriously all the time, but I've never dyed it. Ever. And I don't really want to because I quite like my natural hair colour. What to do then?! a girl might ask herself.

Well, do you remember what gorgeous Drew Barrymore did to hers during the 'Whip It' press tour? It's ok if you don't remember, I have pics:

But you know, the opposite. As my hair is super dark brown, I really, really want dip-dyed bleached blonde tips. Super straight edged, all along the bottom, about 3/4 of an inch up. That way, if I get sick of it really quick/hate it immediately I can just snip it off! And voila, healthy ends again. What do you think? My mother hates the idea but I'm sort of fixating on the possibility of doing it next week.

Monday, May 23, 2011

my imaginary brazilian boyfriend

My imaginary brazilian boyfriend (not a figment of my imagination, he is real, just not my actual boyfriend) no longer works around the corner from where I live.


I'll let that awful news sink in. After not seeing him for a week (I often get off the bus early simply to walk past the restaurant and have a chat with him/simply glimpse him) I began to worry. So I did some investigations (read: forced my bestie to call the restaurant and casually ask for him) and I discovered he no longer works there, but at another location.

So. I have been achingly depressed ever since. Not only because he is GONE forever and I will most likely never see him again as the new restaurant is so far out of the way of my daily life it is not conceivable to ever run into him again but ALSO because it has actually been so long since I've been to the restaurant.

I kept putting it off because I felt I'd been going too much since he showed me how to make cocktails behind the bar and he could smell my desperation (he was SO CLOSE though, how could he not? Not gonna lie, we were body-to-body squeezing past each other behind that bar). So I just kept thinking "I'll go in a few weeks, give it some time." I feel robbed.

I want him back. What is the point of getting up, making an effort and leaving the house? It's not like I'm bound to run into him anymore. I can't even find him on facebook! I only know his first name, and I don't think he remembers mine.

I am so sad. Everything has lost its pleasant glow. GO AWAY SUN, YOU ARE NOT WANTED TODAY.

You probably think I'm being irrationally upset about all this, about a person I barely know (and don't be mistaken - all my whining on this blog/facebook/twitter is not histrionics, I'm truly, like, depressed and my mother thinks I'm mental).

But it's fun having a crush. And it's fun having a crush you have the chance of seeing on a daily basis. And it's fun flirting with them almost every day. And it's fun to have an excuse to put on fresh lipstick to go to the grocery store. And it's fun concoting elaborate fantasies about the passionate love affair we will have before he possibly moves back to Brazil in the next year.

Well that's how long I thought I had and prepared myself for. He was taken from me all too soon.

P.S. Someone knows I'm sad. There is a giant ass GIANT sticky date cake in the fridge...

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

A piece of John Krasinski ass

I recently saw 'Something Borrowed' at the cinema (twice...) and it has become clear to me now that I am in love with John Krasinski. JK has catapulted into a full-blown obsession of mine in record time. I bought The Office (US) season 1 on Sunday and promptly went out and bought a boxset of seasons 1-5 yesterday, leaving me with two season 1s. D'oh.

Anyhoo, I know he is already married. And that's fine. But only because it's Emily Blunt, who I also love and adore. But it won't kill me to dream and get my quiver on.

Now, I'm not gonna lie. For a while I actually thought the divine Emily was batting below her league (I DIDN'T KNOW ANY BETTER) but really, she's traded way, way up (remember douchelord Buble?) and they look very happy together. And Johnny looks like the perfect hubby. I'm not sure exactly what it is about him that's so gosh darn appealing.

I mean, obviously, he's very very funny and that's the #1 attribute I seek in a partner (to match my own biting wit har har). But he's so much more than that. He wears a suit very well. Indeed, he's the perfect nerd in that he's a nerd who's not socially inept and can dress well. IT'S THE DREAM! He's got the height and slim hips a shirt aches for. He's just...everything. I love him. In a parallel universe where was no EmilyWife, I would covet him as my own...

And with the wife...

How can I deny them their couple-dom?! They're perfect! And perfectly matched too, take a gander at these interviews (be warned: productivity for the day may or may not wane dramatically).

And John with George Clooney. I mean...yes.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

I want you all to be more like Swifty

I KNOW, I KNOW. I hate Taylor Swift. I hate her sanctimonious butter-wouldn't-melt sugar sweet persona. I hate how she dates millions of douches (WITH THE EXCEPTION OF JAKEY) but everyone still hails her as a sweet, innocent ingenue who's just looking for love. Most importantly, I hate how she always looks exactly the same. Safe, and exactly the same. Ringlets, glossy lips, sparkly gowns, etc etc.

BUT. Last night, at the 2011 Met Gala (in honour of Alexander McQueen) Swifty turned up like this:

Goooorgeous, no? Ugh, I could eat her face/hug her/do jumpy happy claps. She looks like a more gorgeous, edgier, more interesting version of herself. L-O-V-E. I can see past our troubled history and give this one to Swifty. Let's look at the rest shall we?

With the exception of a few ladies, I am hugely underwhelmed by the turnout/outfits last night. So many people played it safe and others just got it wrong. BO-RING. I'll start with the ones I like (as there aren't many) and we'll get into the good shit later.

A job well done
Emma, my angel, you are perfect as always. I can't find one fault. You've even finally figured out how to werk the blonde. Love you. Always.

Is it weird that I like this Chanel on Freida Pinto? Only on her.

 LOVE Diane always (even if this is a bit lacklustre for her). She gets bonus points for Joshua Jackson though. Best boyfriend ever, he always says he loves standing back and watching her. Also, she picked his outfit. Which, adorable.

MICHELLE!!! You are not in white/off-white/ivory!!!! It's not colour, but it is a departure from your recent offerings. And there are no daisies anywhere. You win. Gorgeous gorgeous gorgeous.


Seriously what is that material? Just because you're cute and pregnant doesn't mean you can get away with this shit Alba. You're a nobody now so you gotta at least keep yourself somewhat relevant with your style a la Bilson and Bosworth (and stop pimping out your cute daughter at the park).

REALLY? The ratty fake ass extensions, the fit of the dress, the blah colour, THE HEADPIECE - REEEAALLY? I love you gurl. Don't ever do this to me again.

Kiki is dat chu?

The tiny adorable pixie of my heart...why do you have huge hips and super ugly things on your feet? You're better than this. Also, smile. At least you're wearing COLOUR.

Oh Gwyneth. You used to be one of the greatest. Fashion-forward and couldn't give a shit about the masses...and now you're in a bedazzled nude sheath...and peach satin shoes. For shame.

I like her. I do. And good for her for losing so much weight and getting healthy. But goddamn her people do not know how to dress for her new body + tits.

Um...do you WANT me to think of you only as teen vampire goth trash? You're too good for this! And so, so achingly beautiful. Why do you make it so hard for me to love you wholly?

I'm so sick of Alexa Chung. What is that? The sad sack + the blank 'nonchalance'...I am so over Alexa Chung's blah sameness.

I've never liked Isabel Lucas and this reaffirms that, but I've got to wonder - what to the trash mags see in her? She always looks vacant and aloof and is always wearing stupid clothing (and shit on her head). Go away Isabel Lucas.

 Another one who used to be great. Another nude bedazzled sheath. Ugh.

Could be better

Unlike the ladies above who are just all-round gross, these next ones are 'ok'. And this pains me more than just OMGTHATISSOSHIT because I expect BETTER from them. I've SEEN them looking better and I know they CAN look better and forfuckssake this night was in honour of LEE. MCQUEEN. For SHAME ladies! (Ok, Kanye caps-locking is done for now)

Really, Zoe Saldana? Calvin Klein minimalist chic to a costume gala and this to the Oscars:

Chloe. Chloe, Chloe, Chloe. This is not 'bad' per se, but it is a floor-length tight black lace number. It is McQueen, yes, but when you wear things like this:

...to like, the polo and boring premieres, we expect more from you. You are kooky Chloe! You're crazy and fashiony and that's why we love you! D-.

Sure I like the dress. The shoes are pretty cute too I guess. And your hair and makeup are stunningly flawless, but remember when you wore this:
 The Met Gala is the PERFECT time to wear shit like this and I actually preferred your whacko outfit from that year than the basic black one from this year. (If you're reading this, are we fighting?)

But sadly, SJP had to be my biggest disappointment. I don't always LOVE what she's got goin on but she's generally quite fashion forward and takes risks with her sartorial statements. And despite wearing a pretty McQueen gown (nude, bedazzled...are we sensing a theme here?) to honour him, Lee McQueen was a good friend of hers, and he deserved better. She was his muse for the 2006 Anglomania Met Gala and has worn him on a number of occasions, including boring premieres. It seems wrong that THIS is what she chose on his big night.

I mean RIGHT???


When it comes to haute couture though, I guess we better leave it to the best. Nobody had nothin on Anna Della Russo and, happy sigh, Daphne Guiness.

P.S. Doesn't it seem that Kunty Karl has finally come to realise what we've all been thinking?:

"Jesus Christ what have I been doing Blake Lively is THE SHITS. Get off me you insolent vapid American! I'm too good for this. I should call Anna and stop trying to make Boobs Legsly happen, she's never going to happen. Lucky I have such an otherwise immaculate career or I would be heading straight to Dante's 7th circle of hell for this."

P.P.S. I kinda (randomly) wished that January Jones turned up to the Met Gala. Considering what she wears to like, the (pretty safe-ish) Golden Globes, I would have been interested to see what she wore for this.

One of my faveouritest faves of all time.