Best Dressed (Ladies)
OBVIOUSLY Tilda Swinton cannot put a foot wrong. From the moment I saw the very top of her perfect quiff and nothing else, she was on my 'BEST EVER HELL YES' list. So. Yes. It's just a bonus that her outfit is also batshit awesome. As always.
I personally don't really care a whole lot for this one, but I can see it's one of the best, I guess. I like the headband. It's a pretty silhouette on her. She is very pretty. It's better than when she went to the Oscars as an Oscar.
A little Michelle Williams at the Oscars circa 2011 perhaps, but no less fabulous on Amy. This dress was also backless, so she had that going for her. As well as Will Arnett alongside her. And her gorgeous face. And glowy, shiny hair. AMY, I LOVE YOU. Just fyi.
Claire Danes' dress was clearly so fab because of the back detail, which she admitted herself, in her interview with Ryan Seacrest ("this is an over-the-shoulder dress *fierce pose*"). It's true. Love her red lipstick too, so sick of nude lipgloss on celebs. I may be biased with Claire right now because I just watched the most adorable, awesome video ever of her and Leo rehearsing the pool scene for 'Romeo + Juliet' so I have a lot of love for her at the moment. Deal.
Oh. My. God. Is there anyone more adorable and humble and gracious and lovely as Jessica Chastain?! If you've seen her in ANY interview you'd know the answer is a resounding 'no'. She's also fabulously talented and wearing beautifully detailed Givenchy. So, she wins. In fact, I'll tell you a little story about Miss Chastain. Last week, at the Palm Springs Film Festival, Jessica was in the middle of an interview and answering a question about who she wanted to meet that night/was simply excited to see. About 10 seconds after she said 'Gary Oldman', he comes up next to her, grabs her by the shoulders and says (according to Lainey), "looking sincerely into her eyes (not in a pervy way) that he thinks she’s lovely and how much he enjoys her work" to which she responded by bursting into tears and trying to compose herself. I mean...she's a big, big deal but totally endearingly oblivious to that fact. (Ok, fine, I don't like the mum hair, but I forgive her).
WHATEVER, I DON'T CARE IF YOU THINK I'M A HYPOCRITE IT'S JULIANNE MOORE. Look at that face! I think she is one of the most beautiful women on the planet. Her hair, that skin, those earrings...I'm in heavennnn.
I didn't hate Melissa McCarthy's Emmy dress as much as everybody else, but I do think this is much, much better. It's custom Badgley Mischka and it's the same colour as her eyes. Goooorgeous.
MICHELLE. IN COLOUR. SMILING. WITH A CUTE HEADBAND. AND BUSY PHILLIPS AS HER DATE. Nothing Michelle does is ever bad for me (with the exception of the daisy dress last year) but this actually makes me super happy. The last time she wore all-colour on a major red carpet was the beautiful yellow Vera Wang at the Oscars, with Heath. Awe. Now that Kiki appears to be out of the running, I hope Michelle wins the Oscar.
I know. I didn't love this at first glance either, but it grew on me. SMG has a habit of being stupidly, adorably endearing and I can't help myself. YOU WIN AGAIN BUFFY.
Dame Helen. I mean, yep. Look for yourself. That waist, that skin, that colour...it's all good. Glad to see navy having a moment (as opposed to RED like last year).
Heidi got here just by the skin of her teeth. It's a bit shapeless, yes, but the turquoise jewellery really elevates the look. And I like the back. While her hair and makeup is also a general improvement on what she usually looks like, she should be rocking a coral lip with this peachy-nude ensemble. Just sayin'.
Best Dressed (Ladies - Overall)
Was there ever any doubt? Emma Stone in Lanvin captured my heart. The colour looks sublime on her and she has an eagle belt buckle. So. Yes. She wins at life. Particularly as she is currently banging Andrew Garfield.
I also expected great things from Evan Rachel Wood and I was not disappointed. The second I saw her, I gasped and did a few happy claps. It's a gorgeous colour on her/the carpet, the sequins, the feathers...so many stunning details. Look at her. She knows she rocked it. Her kiss and cuddle with George Clooney during the ceremony also made me squeal, but would have loved to see her cavorting with her brand new fiance, Jamie Bell. Sigh.
Best Dressed (Dudes)
A man not in black! Well done Ricky Gervais, you win this one. Even if you did leave your own Golden Globes at home and behaved yourself this year. Bor-ring. I expected more from you.
Colin Firth in what I'm assuming is, as always, Tom Ford. It's a winning combination, every time.
FASSY!!!! I don't know if it's actually possible for him to look bad, ever, but Michael Fassbender looks downright bangin'. I'd hit it. All day. And forever. Zoe Kravitz you are seriously deranged leaving Fassy for LONELY BOY (aka Penn Badgley) you crazy, crazy girl.
Leo has DEFINITELY still got it. You start to see him in all these paparazzi shots, and he's in shorts and long socks and you forget how mighty his appeal can be when he turns it on. A shower, slicked back hair and a well-cut suit later...I feel all hot and flustered.
NO, DUH. George Clooney was the big winner of the night (as long as it's not the dude from 'The Artist' at the Oscars, I'll be alright with whoever wins Best Actor. As long as it's George or Brad or Fassy) and he looked it. I just wish he knew that while Stacy seems like a very nice lady, he doesn't need her for his Oscar campaign. We'll love him anyway. You can do it without her George! I love you, but. Do whatever you want. Kiss. George Clooney for President! Of Hollywood, anyway.
Best Couple (Double DUH)
If George Clooney is the President of Hollywood, Brangelina are obviously King and Queen. I look forward to seeing them on the red carpet so badly, I crave the Pitt Porn. Every detail about them as a couple, in public, is pre-determined, down to the tiniest little detail. They reveal exactly as much as they want, and they decide what they want to say about themselves as a couple, with juuust enough to give us a taste and leave us wanting more. And I love it. I love watching them. I love what she's wearing, I LOVE her red lipstick, I love how only he ever opens her car door, I love how they look at each other when they're on stage, I love when she reminds us why we fawn all over her beauty, I. LOVE. IT. Brangelina forever!
Best 'if only'
If only these people actually attended/were nominated/whatever last night, my life would have been a lot happier today and these Best lists would have been a little bit longer, I just know it.
You were all missed.