Saturday, May 1, 2010

Celeb couples I want to break up

Last time I shared with you all some of my favourite celebrity couples of all time who had sadly parted ways and I desperately wanted to reconcile.

Today I find myself feeling slightly more vindictive and mean. I would like to highlight some celebrity couples I hate and who I WANT to break up. Reasons vary from "he is too good for her", "too boring", "I can't bear to see any more pictures of them together", etc.

We begin with two giant crashing bores:

Prince William and Kate Middleton (aka Waity Katie)

You see, Waity Katie is so gosh darn boring that even Wills can't bear to be married to her. He knows his life will be infinitely more shit with her in it everyday and while he knows, "yes, this is an respectable choice of bride for me; yes, people may be reminded of my sweet mum; but no, my mum was sparky and interesting Kate is just boring and positively itching to be Royal". It's true, this is what he thinks, it's not just me. Sidenote: And if they ever DO get married (hope not) I'm sure the tabloids will whip out this pic to demonstrate her secret trashy past that will inevitably lead to problems:

Tweed and hats and being boring do not make you royal Kate Middleton!

Kate Bosworth and Alexander Skarsgard

VOM VOM VOM. As much as I envy Kate's wardrobe she is nowhere near good enough for the gorgeous Askars. PLUS she is making him a douche. After parading in front of the paparazzi all during Coachella (Kate sitting on his shoulders, making out, etc) Askars snapped and tried to punch one of them when he got his drank on. FYI Askars: if you do not like the paps as much as your non-working, desperate-for-attention girlfriend - BREAK. UP.

Delta Goodrem and Brian McFadden

"Who cares about these two Aph? What is wrong with you? You hate both of them!" I hear you cry. Well dear readers, this is true. I do hate both of these whores. Delta "butter wouldn't melt" Goodrem has been on my hate list for a while now. Basically, as soon as she entered my radar, but she was momentarily saved when she dated Mark Philippoussis (who supported her all through her battle with cancer). But then she met Brian when they recorded a duet together, and despite the fact that he was a married man, they hooked up. The Homewrecker and the drunken douchebag Irishman, hated by his own nation (possibly for ditching his kids for Delta). Why do I want them to break up then, if I hate them both? Because as pathetic and naive as it makes me seem, I don't believe Delta is a bad, awful person (like Brian). I think she should be with somebody else more like her. Then I won't have to see this gross couple staring up at me from the pages of Who.

Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds

Blergh. I love Ryan Reynolds. I do not like Scarjo. I ESPECIALLY do not like her as Ryan's wife. VOM. He is way way way way too good for her, and way too hot for her. I don't like them together. Everything about this couple just feels wrong for me. I understand they both have amazing, out-of-this-world bodies and felt the need to put that shit together...but to progress to MARRIAGE? Please. Time to end this extended fling.


Obviously these two speak for themselves. They may seem like the perfect blonde, retarded couple and therefore made for each other but I leave you with one thought...IMAGINE IF WE LET THEM REPRODUCE.

Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Douchebag Disick (Dick), no. My dear surrogate sister who I love and can you do this? How can you still be with this asshole? Is he amazing in bed? Does he have secret footage of you partaking in disgusting sex acts? WHAT DOES HE HAVE ON YOU? He is one of the most disgusting people to ever walk the planet, and if seeing him shove dollar bills into a waiter's mouth for not serving him alcohol does not push you over the edge, WHAT WILL??? Please don't let him have a significant role in raising your child. Ew.

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