Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Celeb couples I NEVER want to break up [or my world will end]

Why yes, I am obsessing a lot over celebrity couples lately. Well, it would seem like more than usual but really I am just posting about it here more. I am always obsessing about celebrities. The next celeb couples help give my life meaning. If any of these couples were to separate I would have to question everything I thought was real and pure and good and RIGHT in the world.

It almost pains me to write this post because I don't want to jinx these couples. I am lit-er-ally biting my lip. Phew.



Bennifer (Jennifer Garner + Ben Affleck)

I don't necessarily love these two individually, but I like them as a couple. I like who he seems to be with her, I like her more in a relationship with him, and I think their daughters are ridiculously, mindbogglingly adorable. These two must always be together! Even simply for the sake of the kids! Violet must never stop grinning!

Jay Z and Beyonce

I mean, duh. Obviously these two are 1000% perfect for each other. They are a perfect match. King and Queen of the Pop world. Nobody else is as good for each of them as they are for each other. I have heard people mention that he is not good looking enough for her. But he is amazing enough for her. He is powerful, talented, loaded, intelligent - i.e. of equal status as her. Beyonce can't be with some hot pretty boy with no substance or power. And as my dear friend Huna so wisely pointed out - their child will obviously be the President of the United States one day. (P.S. Look at them performing at Coachella together. Awww. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NNlfIrpneTs)

David Beckham and Victoria Beckham

I have been 100% behind this couple since like, their second date. So so into them. So gorgeous, so funny, so in love - we have a very strong couple here. This is a couple who has survived infidelity allegations (get back in your corner Rebecca Loos you skanky whore); moves around the world for husband David's career; rejection before subsequent acceptance in the U.S.A.; and a new business venture (Victoria's fashion label) - AND THEY ARE STILL TOGETHER AND HAPPY. I have no doubt there is a lot of love between them. They are complementary. VB is the brains behind the VB empire and David is the pretty talent. It works. It's a good combo. I LOVE them. Also, she is very funny and I feel she is overlooked too much. Open up your hearts guys and let her in, the world is a better place with VB.

Ellen Degeneres and Portia De Rossi

Again, my passion for these two is not necessarily because I am so into the individuals themselves. I like Ellen and Portia because they are totally sweet and in love, yes, but also because they are an important prominent couple in America. Ellen's show is incredibly far-reaching and she has been incredibly successful. Middle America (aka the Minivan Majority) has accepted her and her wife. I believe this is a milestone for gay rights. Ellen and Portia demonstrate that queers are not insane perverts who are going to be the downfall of society - they are just like you. Only a little bit cooler.

Freddie Prince Jr and Sarah Michelle Gellar

WOAH can you say 'random' much? These two are extremely important for 90s me. If these two break up 90s me will be heartbroken. I grew up with these two. Also, congrats on the birth of their daughter Charlotte this year. I bet she's a cutie.

Heidi Klum and Seal

Ahh Heidi and Seal. Heal. Seidi. Hmm I guess their names are incompatible for a lame-cute celebrity moniker, but they themselves seem to be hugely compatible. Without Heidi and Seal parading in front of us from the pages of glossy magazines and the interview couches of Oprah, giving us just that little bit too much detail regarding their sex lives, the world would be a bleaker place. Truefax.

Sacha Baron Cohen and Isla Fisher

They made a very cute baby together. There is another future very cute baby on the way. Cute families should stay together. Funny families should stay together. Everything about these two works for me. So much sweet love. Also, I will never tire of seeing photos of them standing next to each other - Gigantor Borat (always in my mind) and almost-midget redhead. What's not to love?

Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis

Ok re: Vanessa, I'll be honest - I never really felt it. But Vanessa with JOHNNY is a different story. I feel like these two could only be as amazing as they are with each other. He credits Vanessa and his kiddies for saving his life and as an observant outsider, I would have to agree. His career is better than ever, his health is better (drugs are bad for you fyi), and seeing a hot guy as a dad is a very highly rated girl's fantasy. Love the intensity of their love.

Princess Mary and Prince Frederick of Denmark (or whatever their official titles are)

Um. A gorgeous, intelligent, charming Australian royal and a gorgeous, intelligent, charming Prince. Need I say any fucking more? Apart from, obviously, THEIR BABIES ARE SO SO SO CUTE.

Nicole Richie and Joel Madden

WOULD YOU JUST LOOK AT THEIR DAUGHTER HARLOW? DO I EVEN NEED TO GO ANY FURTHER? THEIR GENES ARE OBVIOUSLY PERFECT FOR REPRODUCING AND CREATING A GORGEOUS NEW GENERATION. Also, I looooooove who she has become since being with him and having a baby. It is so obvious that Harlow changed Nicole Richie's life. From a drunk-driving, possibly drug-taking mess,we now have a gorgeous, healthy, intelligent, philanthropic Nicole Richie. The world is a better place.


There are no words to describe how MINDBLOWINGLY awesome these two are, or my extremely intense love for the two of them. They are my favourite celeb couple. First of all, RDJ alone is like, one of my favourite celebs of all time. To see him being all gorgeous and in love with his wife is the icing on the motherfucking cake. And it is so obvious that she must be as rad as he is. Like, we all know RDJ would not be with some lame flake who isn't intelligent, funny, and able to have a good time. All we have to do is look at every picture of them together and we can gain a small insight into just how awesomely amazing their life is together. Robert and Susan I am so glad you found each other. You've enriched each others' lives as much as you've enriched my fantasy life. I bet we would all be great friends.

P.S. This post is for Alex. So enthusiastic, full of praise and good for my ego, that I had to write again a-sap x

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