Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Hot pieces of male ass

Unf. Lately I have become a terrible example of an objectifying asshole re: the way I talk about erm, hot pieces of male ass. I have never been that person (well, sometimes but it doesn't count as part of who you are if it is only Drunk You) but all of a sudden, I became a lewd, crude objectifying machine. And it is rather enjoyable. So for my own pleasure I compiled a whole lot of sexy pictures of sexy people that make me happy inside.

I am putting my whole self out there with this post. I am including EVERY single man-person that gets me going. Some of them are cliche hot boys, others you personally may not 'get', and others you may judge me for. I am ready to take you on. My desire is a natural, all-pervasive force. I cannot, and will not, fight it.

Oh, also, I may have forgotten the odd hot celeb here or there, but I'm sure you won't be too mad if I post a part 2. Enjoy.

Robert Downey Jr

Um. Clearly I could've posted any and every RDJ pic that exists. It took a LOT of time narrowing it down to this gorgeous, vulnerable pic by Sam Taylor-Wood, but I got there. It shows his sexiness AND his sensitivity. Love.

Anthony Kiedis

Duh. Hot rock boys are the best type of boys.

Anderson Cooper aka The Silver Fox

If you don't know who he is, educate yourself please. Preferably with candid paparazzi shots of him going to the gym. If that's your thing. Oh, also, he's smart.

Zac Efron

Whatever, I know most of you are already fighting with me. I am sick of justifying this one so to better your own lives just go and watch "17 Again". Trust.

Alexander Skarsgard

Have you seen the video of him with a face full of male ass? Youtube itttt. Now he just has to drop that skank bitch gf who has really nice clothes and doesn't deserve them, and he will be perfect. You're better than that ASkars. You were in a Lady Gaga video.

Bradley Cooper

Not gonna lie, BCoop did NOTHING for me until I saw "The Hangover". It's that smug, shit-faced, asshole smirk that does it. Mmm. Oh and he speaks French. Fluently. Rawr.

Caleb Followill

I have a public apology to put out there for Caleb: for years I used to think Jared was the hottest one in Kings of Leon. I was mistaken. Caleb, you cut your hair and shaved your beard and stopped fighting the Hot and now you are the sexy beast I never knew you to be. Thank you.

Colin Farrell

Irish bad boy turned good and obsessed with his special needs son. Um, need I say more?

Ed Westwick

I'm a bit ashamed of this one considering all the recent chest-hair cleavage pics that have been popping up. But Mr. Chuck always wins out in the end.

Gale Harold aka Brian Kinney

Gale gets a HD pic and a sexy one too. I was so obsessed with his character in "Queer as Folk", Brian Kinney, that when I was 13 I wanted to be a gay man. Confused, yes. But also the beginning of a lifelong love affair? Absolutely. I used to think Gale would make the perfect Dorian Gray in a movie adaptation. Sadly, he's probably too old now.

Prince Harry aka Prince Hot Ginge

Deluded 10 year old me used to be obsessed with marrying Prince William and being a Queen. Teenage me developed hormones and suddenly understood the appeal of Harry.

Jason Segel and Paul Rudd

I don't necessarily have a thing for Jason and Paul together, but this picture was too adorable not to post. But goddamn. Paul Rudd how do you manage to get so good-looking as you get older? Because I didn't even look at you twice in "Clueless". And Jason...I don't even know. Just so cute. I bet he'd be a good boyfriend.

Johnny Depp


Pacey Witter I mean Joshua Jackson

Looooooved Pacey back in the day, still obsessed with Pacey/Andie in fact. From "The Mighty Ducks", to Dawson's, to "The Skulls", to now, Josh always has a place in my heart. Also, if he's good enough for Diane Kruger...

Denzel Washington

Such a handsome man. Such a hot man. Every time he yells in "Remember the Titans"...mmm, a little bit of me dies inside. In a good way.

Leonardo DiCaprio circa "Romeo and Juliet"

I love Leo. He's an amazing actor, he's an activist, he loves his mum. But I pretty much only want to bang him from this era. When he's smoking the cigarette sitting on Venice Beach...love.

Nick Hoult

Who woulda thought the kid from "About a Boy" would grow up to be asshole Tony on "Skins"? Such pretty blue eyes. And a promising career also. Yay can't wait to see more!

Ryan Kwanten


Timothy Olyphant aka the serial killer in Scream 2

Always thought he was a psychotic hottie. And then he just got hotter. See "Rock Star" for reference. He has bad hair but there's a scene where Jennifer Aniston cuts him out of his undies while he's wearing leather pants. Well, I think it was his character. I may just be projecting a fantasy. If it happened, it was hot.

Rafael Nadal

Roger, you have my heart but Rafael has my...well. Talented, ripped, funny, rich, and not afraid of male-on-male affection - Rafael may be perfect. Oh and he speaks broken English so we wouldn't fight that much.

Robert Schwartzman

Robert played Michael in "The Princess Diaries" so I automatically fell in love with him as soon as he first appeared onscreen as my Dream Man. But then I discovered he is also the lead singer of Rooney and that was it. Full-blown love. And yes, his surname does indicate he is part of the Hollywood Schwartzman/Coppola dynasty. Nephew of Francis Ford. Cousin of Sophia. Jackpot!

Dylan Moran

You may not believe me but there were SO MANY adorable pictures of Dylan to post, that I did struggle. But I feel like this one encapsulates him perfectly: adorable, bemused and drunk.

Ewan McGregor

Ewan in anything but "Moulin Rouge". Don't get me wrong, I loved the film and I cry every single time I watch it and he has a very pretty singing voice, but no, he is not hot in it.

Denny Duquette

This is who I Googled, I don't even know the actor's name. But I think he is so very gorgeous and I used to always get him confused with Javier Bardem. In fact, I am including him in this post as a substitute. You see, ever since watching "No Country For Old Men" for uni I am terrified of Javier Bardem and cannot fully enjoy his hotness. Damn you uni you are ruining my life!!!

Guillaume Canet

This hot French dude used to be married to Diane Kruger and is now married to Marion Cotillard. Clearly, he has something going for him.


Yeah, I don't know. "Pimp My Ride" made me fall in love with him. I think it's the adorable laugh he has. He is so cute. Awe.

David Beckham

Well this is no big shock. And yes, there are a million pics of him with his shirt off but I chose this one. Why? For me personally, the fact that he seems to be such an amazing dad makes him a million times hotter. Go figure.

Russell Brand

He is very funny and has had a lot of 'experience'. These two facts make me very interested indeed.

Jonathan Rhys Meyers circa "Bend it Like Beckham"

He is an alcoholic asshole now, but in "BILB" and "Velvet Goldmine" he captured my lusty heart.


I think it was the hilarious interviews he did with Chelsea Handler that really made me keen on T.I. And then I realised he was very, very sexy. And then he got married to a gross troll-like thing but I still love him. But they have been together for over 10 years and she did stand by and wait for him while he was in prison, so I guess I can accept their union.

Jon Hamm

Initially I thought the appeal of Jon Hamm was Don Draper, but then I started reading interviews and saw videos of him on youtube and I realised he is even sexier as himself. He is intelligent, a little bit ruffled, funny and totally devoted to his gf. I love him. And his abs. And his blue eyes. And his smile. And his legs in a baseball uniform (Google it). Mmm.

Which brings us to the top two. The amount of love/lust I have for these two gents is insurmountable.

Ryan Gosling

Initially I did not want to post a pic of Ryan with an ex-girlfriend but all the sexiest photos of him are when he is making out with Rachel McAdams. And who am I to deny you of The Hot? Grr. He is so sexy and funny and charming and I am currently turning to mush.

Jake Gyllenhaal aka my future husband

I'm thinking about doing a whole post dedicated to my Jakey, because I simply cannot express my love for him sufficiently in this little caption. The videos, the pictures...there is so much I want to share with you all. So enjoy this little taste, there's more to come.

And I'm done. You're welcome.

1 comment:

  1. I was scrolling, and scrolling, and waiting to get to Russell, and thinking, OMG DID SHE FORGET HIM, but thank god, you did not :-)

    Also - Skarsgard - YES PLEASE. <3

    See you tomorrow night.