Less gushing Annie, more charming Hugh

Before we get to the good stuff in my next post (read: actually kind of awful fashions) let's look at the show.

First and foremost, my ultimate girl crush and all-round hilarious babe, Jennifer Lawrence won Best Actress. In recent history I cannot recall being so overjoyed by a Best Actress win (Natalie Portman still hurts). Even though she stacked it up the stairs, she laughed at herself, she was as charming as always and we got to see Hugh Jackman being adorable and gentleman-like. It was ridiculously sweet. Apparently, in the press room afterwards Jennifer spent a lot of time answering questions and engaging people and pretty much making everyone fall in love with her all over again. There's something about this girl, she just cannot put a foot wrong (even when she really, really puts a foot wrong like, on the wrong step). LOVE.

Next up, Flawless Queen Adele. She sounded incredible, she looked amazing, and she was so SO cute when accepting her award. "YOU'RE ALL AMAZING!" Good grief, my heart. Also, apparently Adele was still in the press room when Jennifer Lawrence won and she jumped and exclaimed "Jennifer Lawrence won Best Actress woo hoo!!!" I mean, please.

Best Film obviously had to go to 'Argo'. I'm glad it did, because Ben Affleck really was snubbed for Best Director so I guess this was the Academy's way of saying "sorry, we fucked up, can we give you an Oscar for Gigli to make up for it?" (not that anybody kept mentioning it throughout the speeches or anything...). Anyway. It was a flawless campaign run, Ben didn't let himself get beaten by the snub, instead he manned up and made a series of perfectly strategised public appearances with America's new First Lady, Jennifer Garner and swept awards season. This was as much her win as it was his. She really was the perfect partner throughout the campaign. And what a perfectly executed campaign.

Surprisingly, I actually quite enjoyed the ode to the musical medley. I didn't expect to, I just wanted to watch Adele and not have more Annie to deal with.

But Catherine Zeta Jones goddamn she knocked it out of the park! Sometimes I forget how dang talented she is, but there's a reason she won the Oscar for 'Chicago'. It's like no time at all had passed, she's still got it. I had goosebumps watching her and I felt so happy to see her perform again. Whereas as charismatic and energetic CZJ was, did anybody else find Jennifer Hudson sort of...dull? I'm not sure what it was, but it was definitely lacking something.

But the 'Les Miserables' cast did an amazing job. Due in large part, obviously, to Hugh Jackman. Not Anne Hathaway's overworking mouth. I loved that the whole cast came out and sang, and all the the flags, and did I mention Hugh Jackman? I had mega chills.

Those were the only good points of the show though. Seth McFarlane was a bust, I don't understand why William Shatner did that thing and I found the whole overtone of the night downright bizarre. It must have sucked for the Academy that Tina and Amy won the Oscars weeks ago by being so amazing at the Globes (I guess they know what to do next year hey??). Seth McFarlane was just such a weird choice! He seemed like he was too cool to be hosting, like being there was beneath him and actually it really just came off as a defence mechanism to fall back on in case he sucked (which, incidentally, he did). I did not laugh once at any of his jokes. In fact, I just wanted to slap his weird, smug, ugly face.

And then there was Anne Hathaway. As much as I didn't want her to win, I was genuinely concerned for her wellbeing if she didn't. The whole world would have heard the wailing first-hand, not to mention being swept away by her tidal wave of emotions. Her breathy, gratuitous ohmigosh emotions when she wins are bad enough. She really is the Taylor Swift of Hollywood, isn't she? Also, for someone who was in an epic film with a huge cast for all of 20 minutes, she really found a way to make it all about her didn't she?

Lainey (of LaineyGossip.com) was covering the Oscars for eTalk Canada and was backstage in the press room to interview the stars after they came off stage. She said Jennifer Lawrence joined them immediately after coming off stage and was engaging, funny and happy to have a chat. Anne Hathaway on the other hand, over two hours after she won, had still not come back to the press room. In fact, she waited until everybody else had done their interviews (including the winners for Best Actor and Best Film - i.e. the two biggest awards of the night as well as Best Actress).

What a rude, narcissistic, self-obsessed bitch. Honestly, what the hell was she doing all that time?!

The best bit though is the shit that spills out of her mouth when she's trying to show gratitude and you know, just how deeply she feels things. Lainey tweeted some hilarious snippets of her interview (again, after keeping the room waiting for literally hours):

On how wonderful her husband is (the first thing she brought up): "He makes everything better, clearer, more real", just like my vomit.

False, irritating modesty: "All I can hear are the notes I didn't quite hit" YEAH THAT'S WHY THEY GAVE YOU THE OSCAR.

On the handsomest singing, dancing, acting machine: "Hugh Jackman made the film soar" FINE, TRUTH. He really was robbed of best actor. Daniel Day Lewis is amazing and all (seriously love him) but c'mon he already has two. Nobody was rooting for him this time.

On making people wanting to stab their eardrums: "I had a dream...and it came true. And that can happen. It can and it did. Criticism gets to me but you have to remember in that...the miracle of the universe is that there is 51% matter and 49% anti-matter". What. The. Actual. Fuck. Shut uuppppp Annieeeeeee!

So I think that pretty much sums it up. Onto the important things like goooowns! Stay tuned.