TIME.

Whyyy are there only 24 hours in the day? Why? I need more goddammit. I have a thesis to write! I need the day to change itself to take into account my voracious need for gossip and my lack of willpower when watching related videos on youtube and then schedule that in as extra time, so I still have regular time to actually do work.

But I'm getting by. Slowly but surely, this thesis is getting done. And let me tell you, I am hellz looking forward to not talking about it during every conversation I have (limited as they may be with the outside world); to not thinking about it every second of my day; to not spending every spare minute working on it (or at least trying to); to not saying 'no' to every single event that I get invited to (I still love you all of my dear friends, even if I can never see you. I'm sorry I can never say yes - I want to); TO RELAXING.

Epic sigh.

I'm also looking forward to October 11th (due date - and, incidentally Lindsay Lohan's birthday in "The Parent Trap" aka one of my favourite movies in ever) because I just want to sit and READ FOR PLEASURE. It's been so long since I've been able to bliss out with a book or go to a movie and it's killing me. So I want you to do it for me. I present to you now my ultimate Top 10. Read them, love them as I did, and enjoy them as I cannot.

  

A Widow for One Year - John Irving

The Hotel New Hampshire - John Irving

Okay, shut up these count as one book...I couldn't decide between the two of them it's like choosing a favouite child (I imagine). 'A Widow for One Year' was my first foray into the world of John Irving and it was one of my greatest decisions. Thanks Sara from Tegan and Sara for loving him and making me love him. Sometimes it pays off to be obsessive about celebs and do what they do. You get to fall in love with Irving!

Haunted - Chuck Palahniuk.

Really, this could have been any Palahniuk novel. However, this one is the goriest and most memorable. Had me laughing, feeling ill, internally weeping...a collection of brilliant short stories. Fun fact: when he used to read "Guts" at his book signings countless people would faint because of how disgusting it was. I love it.

A Fraction of the Whole - Steve Toltz

My favourite new book. It was a bit of a slow starter for me (as they often are) but it quickly had me in stitches. It sounds like a bit of a depressing subject matter (insane father, famous dead criminal uncle, etc) but it's BRILLIANT. Please, please read it. You will not be sorry. And then I can have someone to rave about it with.

 

Good Wives - Louisa M. Alcott

I have blogged about my love for this novel before, so I'll spare you the gushing. It is my favourite childhood novel and it still gives me pangs when I read it anually. Two words: Laurie + Amy.

Middlesex - Jeffrey Eugenides

I was tossing up between this and Eugenides' other novel "The Virgin Suicides" but I think it's more imperative that people read this during their lifetime. If you haven't yet, hurry up. It's a modern classic and you will not be a complete human being until you read it. So. Yes.

On Beauty - Zadie Smith

Another slow starter for me, but for the life of me I just can't remember why. It's an intelligent, funny book you can get lost in, just like I did last Summer. Also it made me feel self-important and pompous because I went to university. And I am a lame-ass.

Special Topics in Calamity Physics - Marisha Pessl

Thanks to Tegan for this one. It took me two false starts to get me hooked, but I got there in the end. I always do (oh, apart from "The Corrections" by Jonathan Franzen. I fucking hate that book. I have read the first half and struggled through it. I don't care if it won a Pulitzer Prize, it is shit). But THIS, this is brilliant. And a little bit mysterious. Do yourself a favour and read this, you deserve it.

Perfect Skin - Nick Earls

Sigh. I remember the first time I read this book. I never wanted it to end, I would read each page super slowly and savour it and I despaired when it finally came to a close. I was so enraptured I wrote an email to the author and two months later, I received a reply. It was a long email, it was sincere and it was touching. I love Nick Earls, I think I've read nearly all of his books because they are hilarious and in this case, poignant. You should also become a fan because I am going to make you buy his next novel anyway - he named a character after me. Like, seriously after ME, not just using my name (it was a competition on twitter and seriously, how could he overlook 'Aphrodite'?). So get into it. Even my picky friend Alex liked this, so it's one for everybody.

THE TOP TWO!

The Secret History - Donna Tartt

Unbelievably, I did not much like this when I first started reading it. My friend Jessie (why yes, I have mentioned her before. It seems I have a lot to thank her for) bought this for me from Glebe markets after I told her I had never read it. She handed it to me and with a pained look on her face, exclaimed "I am so jealous of you. I am so jealous that you get to read this for the first time" and to be honest I thought she was being a bit dramatic. But of course, I got sucked in to the world of Bunny, Francis, Charles, etc. And now my little munchkins I am jealous of YOU if you have not yet read this remarkable book. Tell me if you read it so we can gush over it please, because Jessie left me and moved to Adelaide.

A Long Way Down - Nick Hornby

Duh. If you've ever met me and we've ever touched on the topic of books you know I die for this one (if you've read it, that was a very clever joke). It is literally the funniest thing I have ever read, and I read gossip blogs every day. I had to stop reading this in public because I became uncontrollable, which was tough as all I ever wanted to do was voraciously tear it apart. My cousin Anthea recently flew off to Europe for a holiday but had forgotten to bring her book with her and asked me, under servere pressure, to choose a book for her from the airport newsagency. I recommended this one, she read the back and saw that Johnny Depp read it and liked it, and she bought it. She sent me a message the other day to thank me because it is amazing. DUH.

DO IT!

skin

Well, obviously I have skin. What I really want is to have skin like Halle Berry's when I'm Halle Berry's age (44).

Can you believe Nicole Kidman is a year younger than Halle? Man, she must be so pissed (Nicole, I mean).

Anyway, I don't have really bad skin, but it takes a lot of werk to make it look ok. But for the sake of this blog, here is me SANS MAKEUP (apart from SPF 30 moisturiser and concealer but I still ain't showing you the bags under my eyes):

 

So, like I said, it's not awful. But holy crap this Winter has taken it's toll and the wind and harsh weather have made my skin super, super dry. Especially coz I got sick and had to keep wiping my nose and basically my skin has been quite flaky and not up to my standard. I moisturise every morning (with SPF in it - ALWAYS even when it's raining) and before I leave the house and/or before I put makeup on, whichever comes first. But within like 5 minutes it is dry again!


I don't think it is my moisturiser's fault because it has never let me down in the past. I think maybe I have been abusing my skin slightly and taking it for granted (sorry baby) because sometimes  - ok, a lot - I forget to remove my makeup at the end of the day. I should do it though because my Johnson's wipes also cleanse the skin.

But whatever. The point is, I needed to help my skin and I wanted a quick fix. Last night I found a jar of moisturising stuff in my cupboard that my mum once gave me and I never used as it looked a bit too intense and I didn't want my skin to become an oil slick. In my desperation though, I tried it. I applied it to my skin and massaged it until it was aborbed. This is the stuff I used:

 

Nutrimetics Nutri-Rich Oil enriched with Apricot Oil is a fucking miracle worker. Only overnight my skin was basically melting beneath my fingers, it was so soft. This stuff is so intense I woke up pretty much looking like this again:

 

Fo realz, it has been 11 hours since I woke up and my skin is still baby-skin smooth. I did also use my normal moisturiser before leaving the house, so that maybe helped. I might do the Nutrimetics thing like once a week as a treatment. But if you want soft, not-dry, good skin give this a go. And pass on this blog to the Nutrimetics people maybe I will get some free shit.

Hot babes

I want to lure the boys back. I feel lately like I am be alienating any male readership that may have been interested in my blog once upon a time. And by this I mean straight male readership (which is even less likely to have existed). Also, I feel bad for only objectifying men in the last few posts - it's about time women were objectified for once! Those bitchez get let off so easily.

Anywaylet'smoveontothehotties, this is a selection of gorgeous ladies that I have meticulously researched. I may have pressing matters like a thesis to write (pfft, whatevah) but finding pictures of hot girls on the internet instead of getting First Class Honours is a sacrifice that I am willing to make. So here they are. My ultimate bevy of beauties. There is no order, but there is quite a bit of variety. I not only like blondes and brunettes but - and I know this is crazy - I even love redheads. Some of these choices may seem totally random, but I can't deny my heart.

Ok, here we go. We have a lot of hoes to get through.

Angelina Jolie


DUH. I am the most pro Team Jolie person you have ever met. Even more than Brad Pitt because unlike him, I NEVER liked Jennifer Aniston. Angelina foreverz <3 Lady Gaga


Gaga is my hero. I love everything about her. My love is unwavering and I am proud to call myself a little monster. And she is the fiercest bitch ever. Also, did you see her crowd surfing at Lollapalooza? I'm just puttin' this out there, but she's got a pretty great rack. Good for her.

Cate Blanchett




Am including this second pic also because seeing her in this dress was the first moment I fell in love with the great Cate. The back detailing took my breath away, and since then, she has never ceased to do so.

Emma Watson


I like her new pixie cut I guess (even though Carey and Mia are already Hollywood's pixie cut girls) but I remember DYING over this outfit at the Burberry show. Hermione's all grown up! And she's a hottie!

Carey Mulligan


Speaking of Carey, look at her in all her gorgessity. Divine. Also: loooved her Oscars dress. It looked pretty ordinary at first but all the little jewels sewn on were tiny little tools (like hammers and shit). I like that she's stunning and always a bit quirky, without being contrived. It's a fine line you know.

Whitney Port


Whitney always looks amazing so this choice of image is probably puzzling. However, I picked this one to illustrate that the gorgeous Whitney, even when running errands around NY, always looks like a total babe.

Agyness Deyn


One of my FAVOURITE models of all time, I love Aggy to the ends of the Earth. But with blonde hair. The black bowl-cut was not workin for me. Awe but look at that face...I can forgive her anything.

Julianne Moore


Jesus fucking Christ would you look at this woman? If I could choose my features, I would be fair-skinned, blue-eyed and a redhead. Like, Julianne's gorgeous dark auburn. Sometimes I feel like Julianne Moore's too beautiful to look at. And then she opens her mouth and she's self-deprecating and funny and can act...total package.

Michelle Williams


Jen Lindley had some serious hair issues, but then Michelle blossomed into this gorgeous creature before my eyes. She looks like a painting. A pretty, delicate, beautiful painting.

Beyonce


Um, yeah. Fair to say this is my favourite part of the "Telephone" video. I die.

CHELSEA HANDLER


I've recently become obsessed with Chelsea. It started off innocently enough with some youtube clips of her interviewing some of my fave celebs, to reading her books, to full-blown obsession. I love her. And I love that she is banging Dave Salmoni. GOOGLE HIM, TRUST ME. And then go watch her interviewing him on youtube. Cuteness overload. Lucky bitch.

Clea Duvall


I'm guessing this one's a bit random to most of you...Clea has been in "She's All That" and "Girl, Interrupted" so she's probably that girl who's face you know but never cared enough to look up her name. Neither did I. Until "But I'm a Cheerleader" when I fell, hard.

Clemence Poesy


Such is my love for Clemence that when I heard that SHE was the one playing Chuck's new love interest in Gossip Girl, I totally didn't even care that he had a new love. (Well I do, a bit. I hope it's not love. It better just be a Summer fling and then he runs back to Blair or my precious little heart won't be able to take it). Still, I don't mind having the opportunity to look at Clemence in pretty clothes. Sigh. She's so French.

Kaya Scodelario aka Effy from 'Skins'


I kinda hate Effy but damn she's hot. She's old enough to say that about right? I mean, she's had sex scenes, she must be legal...right?

Kristin Cavallari


Loved her since "Laguna Beach". She is funny, hot and not retarded like LC. Sorry, Huna. I really want to hang out with Kristin; she seems like the funnest chick ever.

Kristen Stewart


As shit as she is as an actress, I just can't hate on someone this hot. It's not in my nature.

Sienna Miller


Sienna has always been bangin' but I feel like she is at her prettiest when she is with Jude. So much hotness emanating from this picture, non? Love.

Rachel McAdams


A funny babe who can act. WHAT MORE COULD YOU WANT? Oh, and she dated Ryan Gosling. She obviously has something going for her.

Freja Beha Erichsen


Possibly my favourite model, now that Gisele went and fucked herself with all her bullshit baby talk. Also, Freja makes out with girls a lot (being a lesbian) so she's even cooler coz she's gay and gets to mack on all the hot 'curious' models she works with.

Eva Green






Yeah, Eva gets a few pics. I just really wanted to make sure you appreciated all of her...talents. Oh and did I mention she's French? I feel like she is the epitome of the other type of French woman, compared to Clemence Poesy. I had this conversation with my dear friend Maca a few weeks ago, who incidentally is also a hot babe (http://flyaroundmyprettylittlemiss.wordpress.com/): I feel like French women fall into two main (banging) categories: blonde, a bit rumpled, ethereal and wear quirky but cool clothes (Clemence) or brunette, vampy, and totally sex on legs (Eva). Oui?

Eva Amurri


Susan Sarandon's daughter first got my attention in 'Saved!' where she was a hot badass who wore a lot of short skirts. She kept my attention through her stint on 'Californication'.

Emma Stone


Adored her in the 'The House Bunny' and am now anxiously awaiting the release of 'Easy A'. This movie looks ridiculously awesome. Check out the trailer here if you haven't already seen it (why haven't you already seen it?) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DL7W6pEuAW0

Emily Blunt


BEFORE 'The Devil Wears Prada' and 'Queen Victoria' Emily was in 'My Summer of Love' and was divine in it. She's a brilliant actress, she has a hot British accent, and she is so pretty. Emily, let's be friends?

Ellen Page


Pint-sized gorgeous awesomeness. Another promising young actress. When it seems like a dismal time in Hollywood with the Paris Hiltons and the Heidi Montags, a gem like 'Juno' comes along and reminds us that all will be right with the world.

Kat Dennings


'Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist' has become one of my favourite movies and I didn't even like it the first time I saw it. I think it's the sweetness of Kat and endearing naivety of Michael Cera that does it for me. Also, look at those lips!

Dita von Teese


From sexy minx...


...to elegant lady, Dita covers all bases and does it while looking flawless.

Chloe Sevigny


This image does her NO JUSTICE whatsoever, but she is amaaazing in "If These Walls Could Talk 2". Amazing, and super hot. Her and Michelle Williams play loverz. 'Nuff said.


Well, nothing but this. I would kill for her wardrobe. And then I would kill to be able to pull it off like she does.

Tasha from 'The L Word'


Her real name might possibly be Rose Rollins, but who cares when she is so hot as Tasha. Seriously. Season 4. Tasha and Alice. Yes man.

Samantha Mathis


Hehe. I feel like my undying love for Samantha will never be understood because nobody on the planet seems to remember who she is. Not only did she play old Amy in 'Little Women' but she was also in one of my all-time favourite movies EVER 'Jack and Sarah'!!! Again, nobody else seems to have seen this. She plays a nanny for Richard E. Grant's daughter and ends up falling in love with his character and oh my god, again, one of my all-time favourite movie couples. This movie also has Sir Ian McKellen in it, WHY HAS NOBODY SEEN IT? Oh, and she is the voice of Crysta in 'Fern Gully'! Why don't more people love her?!

Ruby Rose


Rawr. Total lady-crush. Sadly, this picture does not show her gorgeous blue-green eyes but it does perfectly translate The Hot.

Rihanna


I prefer her with shorter hair, but let's be honest: nothing beats a hot chick in her underwear doing housework, am I right? Seriously though, I love Rihanna so much I wrote an essay about her at uni last year. Funnest essay research ever.

Penelope Cruz


I'm not gonna lie...I previously never saw the appeal of Pene. Not until 'Vicky Cristina Barcelona'. Seriously, memo to Penelope Cruz: you should only ever speak Spanish.

Marion Cotillard


Oh lady, you are so pretty. And French. And pretty. Also, I love you every time you step onto the red carpet, especially when you wore a bodysuit that one time and still looked bangin'. Clearly, she falls into the "brunette, vampy, sex-on-legs" category of French woman.

Natalie Portman


Gorgeous, smart, funny, talented and looks good with a shaved head. Natalie may or may not be Perfection.

Natalie Maines (from the Dixie Chicks)


I don't know what I'd do if I ever were to actually meet Natalie Maines. I'd probably cry and/or faint with joy. If you've seen 'Shut Up and Sing' the Dixie Chicks documentary, you probably understand. I watch it all the time, especially when I need something to remind me I can be strong and am still in awe of her. Natalie is probably my true hero because she is so goddamn inspirational and amazing. My motto in life tends to be W.W.N.M.D.? (What would Natalie Maines do?)

Noomi Rapace


There is an English version of 'The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo' being made. Because apparently Hollywood/American audiences really hate subtitles and don't consider it a real film if it's foreign. They shouldn't bother though because Noomi totally nailed it. Love her.

Missy Higgins


Ah, an old-time obsession. I haven't seen her around for a while but the affection still lingers.

Ladyhawke


Not only does she write catchy and fun pop songs but Pip Brown is also totally hot. I know, because I've met her. And she is tiny and gorgeous and lovely.

Tina Fey


She don't need no explanation.

Liv Tyler


Curvy, ethereal, gorgessity. I feel like she's some sort of hot alien girl...too good to be human.

Uh Huh Her


I first came across Leisha Hailey (right) in 'The L Word' and discovered she could not only be funny and adorable as Alice, but could also SING and was in a band with the equally adorable Camilla Grey (who is in a relationship with Clea Duvall, who I already mentioned). Check em out, they are rad.

Christina Hendricks


If you don't love Joan...just get the fuck out. Voluptuousness and red hair never looked so good.

Alexa Chung


I still think Alexa's a total babe but she's starting to irritate me. She always has the same facial expression and doesn't really do anything. But who cares coz she's pretty.

Daria Werbowy


What an ass. And you know, everything else. One of our generation's greatest supermodels.

Kate Moss


But Kate is, and always will be, the greatest.

Claudia Schiffer


Claudia is also pretty fine.

Natalia Vodianova


As is Natalia. Who has had like 3 children. Bitch. But you can't even call her a bitch, considering all the charity she does. Bloody hell I feel lazy.

Gwyneth Paltrow


Remember this press tour for 'Iron Man' when Gwyn debuted those amazing legs in a parade of hot short black dresses??? She blew me away, she rocked those minis so hard. I mean, she can be irritating...with her GOOP newsletter, two cute kids, privileged upbringing, that body, her famous celeb friends...but I can't hate on her because she is essentially living my ideal life.

Diane Kruger


It was tough choosing a perfect image of Diane. I mean, this one has cool suspenders and she looks like a hot bitch...


...but this one has everything else.

Isla Fisher


Who would've thought that Shannon from 'Home and Away' would end up an A-lister in Hollywood and married to Borat? Not me, but I love that it happened.

Tegan Quin




Once my number one...I still obviously think Tegan is amazeballs, but rather than want to marry her and be with her forever and ever I'd be content with a quick fling, and then a longer-lasting special friendship, you know what I mean? Because she's still rad. I just have a new number one.

Which brings me to my final two. I simply could NOT narrow down the images of these gorgeous ladies. I love them and you just have to deal with it.

Kate Moennig








Not just another 'L word' hottie but THE L Word hottie!!! Kate plays sex-bomb Shane and I love her. Could you imagine if she turned her gaze on you and used all her magical powers? I think I would pass out. Also, Gwyneth Paltrow is her first cousin! Talk about hotness pedigree!

And finally, my all-time #1...

Sara Kiersten Quin

Har har, yes she is Tegan's identical twin sister (from Tegan and Sara - my favourite band. You may have heard me mention them) but she is so much more than that. My love used to be for Tegan but then one day I just got it... All of a sudden Sara had better hair than Tegan, I laughed more at her jokes, I started listening to her songs more and more, I lingered on images of her for longer...I converted. I feel like the following collection of photos captures the many reasons why I did indeed switch sides.






(after one of the shows where I met them, Sara gave me one of her pics. This is what she does with them. The pic has now been converted to a necklace. I will treasure it always)














Sara and me say byeeee!

Hope you enjoyed lads and ladees.