books books books, more books. words.

Sigh. Nothing makes me happier than a good book. Except maybe the perfect rom-com (see: "The Truth About Cats and Dogs". Since purchasing on Saturday I have seen it 4 times. And counting. I fucken love it and am constantly thinking about watching it again, even when I'm watching it. It is perfect). Anyway I spent about 45 minutes in Dymocks yesterday...just looking. Looking at rows and rows and thousands and thousands of words and wanting to buy so many books.

Alas, I refrained. Because at the moment, I am povo. I can try and fool myself by buying $58 lipsticks, but it is all a farce. I cannot keep spending my money the way I have been.

I do not even need to. On my shelf are the following brand-new, as yet unread books: Catch-22, Tess of the D'Urbervilles, One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest, Perfume, A Clockword Orange, Fences and Windows, The Witches of Eastwick, And the Ass Saw the Angel, Kingdom of Fear, The Beach, In Cold Blood, Down Under, A Short History of Nearly Everything, Queens, The Shipping News, Stupid White Men, and a whole bunch of uni books I bought with no intention of reading. Seriously, those are just the ones I can see. Some of them I have had for YEARS and have not started reading. I think it's mainly the ones with the orange Penguin cover. It is just so ugly and uninspiring it truly affects me. And I didn't even include the ones I started and have not finished.

And yet...I want these:










I only own ONE Margaret Atwood book and seriously need to build up my collection. I've read a bit of this for uni (possibly wrote an essay on it?) and quite like it. So it's a logical place to start.










Kurt Cobain notebooks. I read a bit of this in the store and had to force myself to put it down. Want please.


This I have read, but I simply must own a copy. It is awesome. One of my Palahniuk faves.


LOOK HE HAS A NEW ONE! I saw this yesterday and genuinely squealed. So much excitement. Chuck is one of my favourite authors of all time and even studying "Fight Club" at uni did not ruin his work for me. That is a huge deal. A new Chuck Palahniuk in the world means it is a better world.




I love John Irving, but I haven't read these two. I feel like I should as they are like his seminal works or whatever. I will get around to it. In 2020.










Phwoar. Who has seen "Head On"? So sexy. Go go go go go!


I haven't read an Augusten Burroughs book for a while. Everything I've read by Burroughs since "Dry" has failed to live up to its calibre. Does anyone know if it is worthwhile? Let me know.


Duh. I am only totally obsessed with her. Recently read "My Horizontal Life" and currently reading "Are you there vodka, it's me Chelsea" and struggling to go more slowly so I don't finish it in one night. It is so. good. I actually laugh out loud. Alone, in bed. Laughing manically. How will I live until I get the next one? It is 35 bucks! Must have it though. Must.

Also, am very happy to get rid of some of my current collection in exchange for any of the above. If anyone wants to give me some, I can provide these in return:
Borderlands (Gloria Anzaldua), The Crying of Lot 49 (Thomas Pynchon), Kokoro (Natsume Soseki), Sound Bites (Alex Kapranos), The Big Sleep (Raymond Chandler), 3x Dan Brown books, Sex and the City (Candace Bushnell), The Day of the Locust (Nathaneal West), Bliss (Peter Carey), To the Lighthouse (Virginia Woolf). Yes, most of these are uni texts.

sephora

Sephora. Kingdom of cheap makeup. My cousin bought me some Sephora makeup the first time she was in France and this really ignited my passion for good cosmetics. Then my uni supervisor offered to bring me some stuff back from Sephora as she was going to the U.S. in July, so I wouldn't have to pay for shipping. Sadly though after a thousand complications during the ordering process (ok, one problem, but it was sort of insurmountable) this plan fell through.

As y'all know, I have been on a quest for NARS' perfect coral lippy for a while now. And I even went to buy it from Myer, disregarding the ridiculous price. However I got swept up in being complimented by the saleslady (I have low self-esteem) and left with a different colour anyway. Amsostupid. Then, as discussed, I found out how much cheaper NARS was online. So I took that lipstick back. So I still have no coral lippy. SO MUCH DRAMA FOR A FUCKING LIPSTICK.

Anyway, this previously mentioned amazing cousin is going to France again in a few weeks. She also very generously offered to go and buy whatever I want from Sephora to bring home to me, safe in her own hot little hands. She ALSO went in with me for an order from net-a-porter.com (amazing sales - go quick) so we could cut down on shipping costs. I know, she is a saviour.

Would you like to see all the things I have been lusting over forever, which I may fiiiiinally be getting?

Vivienne Westwood necklace



NARS Love Devotion lipstick



NARS Blonde Venus lipstick


Mum also wanted a lipstick. Guided her towards this one because I can totes wear it too.

Smashbox eyeshadow quad


THIS IS SIX DOLLARS. I am pretty much saving money.

Marc Jacobs Daisy EDT


FINALLY. I have wanted this for a hundred million years (feels like) and have abstained because I have quite a few perfumes. I certainly don't *need* anymore. But I can no longer fight it. I am powerless. I love it. Must have Daisy.

Marc Jacobs Lola EDP


Relax, I'm not crazy. Mum wants this one. There is a limited edition pack which also comes with body lotion and a mini perfume. I convinced her to get the pack...so I can have the mini bottle. Genius. Everyone wins!

Oh man, I am so excited to get all this. My life already feels far superior than it did last week. I am a better person when I buy nice things for myself.

P.S. Would have DIED to be in the same room with these two when they met for the first time. Not that I would have been able to talk or anything. I would have simply gaped, and maybe pointed a bit. Yes, Morrissey attended a Lady Gaga concert. And then they hung out. Moz and Gaga. Dying.

to be Fifi Box...

If only. If. Fucking. Only.

Keep watching til the end, it's worth it I promise.



And that's all for today. I'm too flushed/seething with hatred and jealousy.

MY MONEY BACK

Sometimes I truly hate living in Australia. I feel like the rest of the world thinks we are so far away that we are not connected to them in any way, shape or form.

Newsflash world:
Australia gets international tv shows like Gossip Girl and the Hills. And we are pretty much up-to-date.

You can drink water straight from the tap.

We are not retarded outback hicks who talk like Crocodile Dundee.

And we get the internet.

Today, as readers know, I embarked on my quest for the perfect coral lippy/nail polish. Found gorgeous nail polish at Kit, as expected. "Go Getter" is pretty uninspiring in the bottle (looks like a dark fluro orange) but it is divine on your nails. Also got a pale coral "Go Out" which is a pretty everyday version when you don't want too much colour. Both $15.95 (though I obviously got them for free when I successfully exchanged the awful mint green/powder blue combo I got last week).

I also found the perfect coral NARS lipstick. Two, in fact. My biggest problem was deciding on which one I liked better. I went with the darker, slightly pinkier one, "Niagara". It cost me $58. For one lipstick. That is $19 more than the last pair of shoes I bought (dark red, suede Nine West wedges - half price at $39).

Why did I buy it when it was so expensive? Because I am a giant idiot-head and it looked really pretty on me. Anyways, then I couldn't get the other one out of mind and checked it out online. NARS LIPSTICKS ARE $28 FROM THE NARS WEBSITE! THAT IS IN AUD! I am dy-ing. Of course, NARS doesn't ship outside the US but I have a plan for that. Totally going back tomorrow and returning my unopened $58 lippy.

Honestly. Did they think I wouldn't find out?

coral coral coral

Aaaaaargh. WHY is it so hard to find the perfect coral? Perfect coral is like the perfect partner apparently. You can see it in your mind, you know the perfect one is out there for you, that will complement/compliment you, that it exists in the world and that it is just a matter of finding it...and yet 'it' remains utterly and stubbournly elusive. It taunts you, flaunts its existence in the form of Jon Hamm, Ryan Gosling or a discontinued nail polish colour.

And yet it so out of reach...for you. Or me, rather. I feel wanky like Carrie Bradshaw when she compares men to bags or computers or whatever she compares them to from episode to episode. I mean, I love T.V. Carrie but she is cringe-worthy.

I'm getting sidetracked. I am obsessed with finding the perfect new colour for myself. I tried buying mint green and powder blue nail polish (as mentioned in the last post) but those were miserable failures. I am going to try and return them today. The concept of coral was also brewing in my mind. But I knew it would be difficult. A mission impossible even, to find the perfect shade.

A few months ago I purchased season 1 of "Mad Men" on DVD. Over the last two days my obsession with the show reignited and I watched it all over two days. This too fueled my desire to find the perfect coral nail polish and lippy combo. It is making me antsy.

As soon as I saw this OPI colour online, it seemed PERFECT:


Of course, it is also apparently discontinued. Of course.

As for lipstick, Zoe Foster recommends Nars' "Love Devotion":


This one is a limited edition. My chances of finding are also limited.

WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE SO HARD? Universe, help me find the perfect coral...for me. And with my perfect coral tips and lips help me find the perfect partner. RYAN GOSLING, LOOK ME UP AND FIND ME IN SYDNEY. Yo Jon Hamm if you and your gf are feeling the 13-year itch you too are VERY WELCOME TO COME FIND ME IN SYDNEY.

Ok. The quest begins.

my sanity

Oh hai. I have lost my mind. I have lost my sanity, my rationality, and my sense of self. I have had a RIDICULOUS day (keep reading) and quite frankly it scares me to think that I have to continue facing the world while I am in such a state of disarray. I could die, I have been acting so stupid.

First of all, yesterday I really nearly did die. For any of you who follow me on twitter (@aphrokap) you know how my clumsiness almost resulted in a fatal accident. After almost breaking my neck (twisted it funny while almost falling off the COMPLETELY STATIONARY chair) I began choking. Alone. In a room. Bashing myself up against the wall/chair/desk/whatever I could find. Once I recovered from this horrifying ordeal I quickly escaped the room hoping to reach solace in the presence of my parents (who could hit me on the back if I choked again) - except I almost fell down the stairs in the process.

I assumed today would be better. I was wrong.

After completing my 7-9am shift at work, I jumped on a bus to go to uni, my second stop of the day (to be followed by a trip to the city). However when I returned my pre-paid bus ticket to my wallet, I discovered, to my horror, that it was empty. No driver's licence (on my Ls shut up), no KEY CARD, no money apart from $3.80. I.e. nothing. Nada. Zilch. PRETTY MUCH NAKED AND HELPLESS.

I agonised about my situation all through the 25-minute bus ride to uni. Once at uni I legged it to the bank (which had MOVED from it's previous location, confusing the fuck out of me even further). The man who worked at the bank was, I think, my angel. He was ridiculously lovely and did not even laugh at me (he did judge me though. He repeatedly asked "wait - so you left the house with nothing? Nothing at all in your wallet? Not even your atm card? How does that even happen?"). I did not even know my account number so he just let me provide my client number and some personal deets. And then we laughed and chatted for a bit while I tried not to snatch the cash out of his hand and run away. Commonwealth Bank employee at Sydney Uni - I love you.

Did I mention that I had also run out of credit? Yep. I couldn't even text my mum to get her to help me. So, with crisp bills in my hand I went and bought credit and gum. The next part of the story is UTTER stupidity. After I put my gum in my bag I guess I forgot that I had also bought credit. So I mistook the piece of paper I was holding as a mere receipt. So I threw it out. In the bin. The trash. Into a public garbage bin. And then I kept walking for about 500m before I realised what I had done. I ALMOST kept walking, too embarrassed to go back. But that would be like THROWING TEN DOLLARS AWAY.

I anxiously pondered my options. Go back to the newsagent and ask her to print out another voucher? Yeah right. A) bitch was naaasty and B) I don't think you can do that. Instead, I went back to the bin. I peered inside it. I rejoiced over the fact that it was Monday and the bins were relatively empty of shit. I looked around for any observers. And then I reached my hand INSIDE the bin and pulled out the wadded paper I could see at the bottom - my credit voucher. And then I gagged and tried not to vomit.

FOLLOWING THAT MESS THAT IS MY LIFE, I met my honours supervisor to pick something up. Except as she is RAD she also let me rant a lot and we bitched about the new SATC movie. It was fun. She is the best. THANKS LB!

Finally, I made my way into the city to enjoy a little retail therapy. HOWEVER, THIS TOO WAS ALSO A F.A.I.L. I exchanged the vomit green nail polish my mum bought for me for a (seemingly) lovely mint green + purchased a powder blue colour also. I just tried both of these and they look disgusting. Pastels are a nice idea but they do not work. I hate when I follow a trend and it is shit. Argh. I am now going to try and exchange these as well. As if I will succeed. Oh well. And I actually wanted these colours for soooo long. Sad. I did get a Chelsea Handler book though! FINALLY. Do you know how hard it is to track down her books? I had to search in 4 different bookstores and in about 100 different sections (biography, humour, relationships, sex, etc. FFS). I know she is worth it though.

Oh and then when I thought I had a green light at some traffic lights I crossed the road and almost died because they were green for people going the other way. I only noticed when I was on the other side and everyone was honking at me.

FOR FUCK'S SAKE JUST LET IT ENDDDDDDD

P.S. I didn't have anything in my wallet because I had switched to a teeny bag on Saturday night and put my cards in there as wallet did not fit. Obviously.