Wednesday, July 6, 2011


I've always liked Eminem, in a vague, back-of-my-conscience kinda way. Like, I knew his songs and I liked some of them and would listen to them randomly but then last week it was like BAM love/obsession ensued. This one didn't actually occur as suddenly as some of the others (Biebs, Tegan and Sara, Taylor Kitsch) as there was a few years of stable 'like' behind us, but still.

Nobody makes me oscillate so wildly between giggling hysterically and weeping while listening to a single album before. The end of 'Mockingbird'? Kills my life. A beautiful almost lullaby-like song ('Now hush little baby don't you cry...stiffen that upper lip little lady, I told ya Daddy's here to hold ya through the night' makes my heart squeeze in on itself) and then, the last verse:

And if that mockingbird don't sing,
And that ring don't shine, I'ma break that birdie's neck
I'd go back to the jeweler who sold it to ya,
And make him eat every carat, don't fuck with dad haha

So unexpected and so funny. Makes me el-oh-el every damn time. But as with all new obsessions, the time spent fantasising about how we would meet and fall in love takes up a big portion of my time.

With Eminem, I think a huge part of the attraction is how much he loves his kiddies. I work with kids, so I imagine being at a park or something nannying and he would see how good I am with children and even though he's a bit scary, he would like how sweet and cool I am and his littlest daughter would be drawn to me in the way random kids often are (seriously, I don't know what it is about me, they effing love me and approach me on the street) and we would keep seeing each other in different social situations (where? in Detroit? I haven't ironed out the details). But I would keep my distance because, like I said, he's a bit scary, but really he'd be like a teddy bear and totally into me but still all sexy and protective. However, I would be sure to maintain/feign my cool and not pressure him or anything and things would progress naturally and BOOM we are in love.

I know, it needs more work. But I keep getting distracted imagining him looking like this:

And watching videos like this:

I mean, right?!

Most tellingly re: this obsession and how deeply affected I am is how much I FUCKING. LOVE. the song 'Shake That'. Everything about this song should make me hate it and be offended as a woman and, like, a human. But I don't. Behold, the song + lyrics. Enjoy (you know you will even though you won't want to):

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