Dress Porn

Like I said, I was pleasantly surprised today. It's like Hollywood is finally, finally listening to me about the red and the taffeta and the blush-nude-sparkly gowns and branching out. And at the moment, that's enough for me.

***Flawless

Talk about a stunning couple. Eddie Redmayne and his gorgeous wife Hannah Bagshawe look amazing, each in custom McQueen. I was so excited for his win, I did legitimately squeal and I'm okay with that. Not sure if my co-workers are, but I've accepted it.

It seems that Gwyneth is having a pink moment of late, and so far it's fine, but I'd prefer if she switched it up now. This is beautiful, and she is beautiful, but enough pink now Gwynnie (and blue eye shadow…) Okay so it's not quite ***Flawless but she's pretty close. It's just that…she was the first to wear the cape. I want more of that now.

I am genuinely heart-achey that Julianne didn't wear Tom Ford for her big Win, but this Chanel is pretty delightful. White and sparkly always looks good with the statue, and it off-sets her incredible creamy complexion to perfection.

I want to be very clear - MELANIE is the 'best dressed' lady here. Holy COW she looks amazinggggg! I am still struggling to pick up my jaw off the floor. I chose a picture of her and Dakota together though to highlight the differences. Why is she in a red velvet gown with a split, WHY??

Credit where credit is due - this fits flawlessly and is incredibly flattering and basically I just think Oprah looks gorgeous, the end. Oh and also loved how excited she was to receive her Lego Oscar, Oprah provides me endless joy.

I did miss Sienna during awards season when she went off to grow up and her baby (which I'm very glad she did, by the way) but it is fabulous to have her back. Sure, it's a black dress, but it's a very interesting one with lots of clever details. I even like the bow. Also…damn she's pretty.

Solange, presented without comment. Because obviously. SOLANGE.

The Most ***Flawless

I know a top 4 is a weird number, but whatever, you don't own me. I loooooove this dress and I looooove her hair and makeup and I loooooove Naomi Watts. She is living, walking proof that interesting and non-boring gowns still exist in a sea of blush-nude-sparkly things, time after time. This is beyond beautiful.

Again…just a black dress, elevated to perfection though by the one and only Cate Blanchett. Her turquoise Tiffany necklace is stunning and so is she. Take note students of 2015: this is how a returning  Queen returns to her kingdom. 

And for that matter, take note from Princess Lupita! The peeaaarrrls, oh the pearls. Does she just get sent all the best dresses? Does she have the best pick of everything? I don't know if she just has the access to the best gowns or if her incredibly curated taste is the sole reason for her success on the red carpet, but she might be my all-time favourite now, along with Cate. Man, 2014 was a good year.

Collective gasps all-round for Margot Robbie. So, so, so stunning! The gown, the accessories, the lips, the hair, the steeze, it has all come together for a perfect red carpet look. You're doing your country proud lady! Also you threw shade at Ryan Seacrest and for that, you'll always be a legend. Aaaaaand just realised there are three Aussies in my top picks. I guess we just do it better, especially in Hollywood LaLaLand. 

Sigh. Another Awards Season has come to an end. I'm not really sure what to do myself now but I guess I can continue with the 14-episode Law and Order SVU binge I started yesterday while I figure it out.

Red Carpet, All Day

In an ideal world, it would be red carpet day every day. Alas, it wouldn't be such a treat if it was Christmas every day and it wouldn't be as exciting if it was AWARDS SEASON every day. So I take what I can and I savour every single moment. Every stitch, every awful gown, every fashion Moment, all of it. And it all makes me happy, vapid as it makes me.

Let's start with the 'Blahs'

This very emblematic of an Anna Kendrick dress: boring, and a little 'old'. Which is hard for me, because she is beyond fabulous, on Twitter, in Pitch Perfect, and in life. Just not on the red carpet.

For most, this would be a massive success. For Emma Stone…it's beneath her. Especially when she wears things like this, this, this, and THIS usually. But it's fine. I guess.

A win for JLo, a blergh for 'anyone' else. I'm pretty proud of her for not just wearing something entirely form-fitting though!

Sure, it's a diaper bag on her back. But she's Marion Cotillard and she gets a pass because she still made everyone gasp when she stepped out of the limo due to her stunning beauty.

I like this. She's great. All hail Queen Meryl who can do no damn wrong, even if it isn't exactly mind-blowing.

Again, a massive win for Patricia! There's usually something a little off about her overall look but I couldn't really fault this. I'm happy for her.

SO BORING REESE!!! She used to always be my best-dressed when she wore more interesting dresses. I mean, remember this post-divorce Moment? It made a splash because it was such a departure for her and now she just keeps wearing the same dress, slightly different! Look: Item #1, Item #2, Item #3, Item #4. Sorry, are you asleep yet?

I know there's a neck plate…and I hated this at first…but damn if her body is not out-of-this-world incredible. I think she elevated this dress. Maybe I just like her hair.

Nah. Unsalvageable.

Oh…no. I know it's custom McQueen but this design was just off. Or she was too short for it? I'm not sure but it looks like she's swimming in material and it's swallowing her whole. Got excited when I first saw the top half though and then…nah.

This looks like a gown Princess Diana would have worn. Jessica Chastain is young, and gorgeous and sexy and she's dressed like a middle-aged royal at a charity gala.

Eurgh. I hate this floral-earthy-cutesy schtick that so many pregnant women stick with. Keira Knightley has flawless style and I am blaming this and her Golden Globes gown on hormones because I can't think of what else possessed her.

THIS IS JUST BIZARRE. Nicole Kidman is one of my all-time red carpet faves ever ever and I usually froth over her interesting and stunning choices and this is so OFF. The colours together are also downright weird. I'm gobsmacked.

I love Rosamund and I thought she was incredible in 'Gone Girl' but this looks cheap as f-ck. Red, skintight, lace, split, and strappy heels. Rosamund is better than this gown and you can see this realisation in her face.

Another disappointment to me. Zoe Saldana is one of the very few who can wear weird, conceptual, interesting gowns and make them look amazing and now she wears spaghetti straps. I can't even.

Round 3 will be up soon with all my favourites. Be prepared for gushing, otherwise, look away.

Just a little more time to say goodbye!

As much as it excited me to see the culmination of Awards Season with the Oscars, it also pains me because it means the season is over. And that's like saying goodbye to Christmas. The gown bingeing, the parties, the champagne, snacks and all-round celebrations are my idea of the ultimate festivities.

I'm not sure if I just had supremely low expectations of this year's Academy Awards due to the lacklustre run leading up to them, but I was presently surprised! I barely raged at the television in our offices at all! Instead, it was more like a quiet, seething eye-roll at the sameyness but mostly it was quiet (hah) excitement.

First thing's first though! Quick rundown of the big moments for context:

- TEGAN AND FREAKIN' SARA ATTENDED AND PERFORMED!!! And everything is damn awesome in the world because it happened. I still can't believe it really did happen. So proud of my superstars, can't believe the little band I saw playing by the side of a highway in a nothing-place in country NSW are now Oscar nominee/performers. I may have screeched at the TV. And by that I mean I definitely did.

- Julianne Moore finally won. Well-deserved and also well-overdue (see: her performance in 'A Single Man' for reference). I was devastated she wasn't wearing Tom Ford for her big Moment though.

- Neil Patrick Harris was a great host…but he wasn't Amy and Tina. I miss Amy and Tina. Bring back Amy and Tina! Amy and Tina for the Oscars 2016! Honestly what's the point in trying after those two. ALTHOUGH his opening line was flawless, so no shade here, "Tonight we honour the best and whitest…sorry, I mean brightest!"#truth

- Common and John Legend. I mean…yeah, talk about feels. Not much to say here other than pretty sure everybody had chills. Actually, I know they did. Look at the reaction in the crowd…so beautiful.

- Amazing acceptance speech for 'Glory' too. So eloquent and perfectly said.

- Gaga had the unfortunate task of following this performance but she actually knocked it out of the park. I'm excited to see if she's reinventing herself to be, like, a regular. I think everybody forgot she could sing and I was so happy for her I may have been quietly fist-pumping. (Hate her diamond-shaped engagement ring though, so much).

- Patricia Arquette's speech was en pointe. Yeah they are all millionaires but when the Sony Hacks revealed that Jennifer Lawrence was paid less than her male counterparts for Silver Linings Playbook, the film she won an Oscar for, people realised it was fucked up. And now everybody has to listen because Patricia yelled at Hollywood! Such a great moment.

- OH REALLY ACADEMY? NO JOAN IN THE MEMORIAM SECTION? SHE'S THE ONLY REASON THE RED CARPET IS THE EVENT THAT IT IS TODAY DAMMIT. Just you wait for her punishment.

Okay enough of my boring opinions, ONTO THE FASHUN, as Joan would have wanted. Stay tuned.