Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Sit DOWN Lady Gaga

I know, WHAT? I have professed in the past my deep, unbridled love for Lady Gaga. I own this. I also own that I used to hate her and then decided she was brilliant. Now that that's out of the way, can I yell at her? (Also, if this blog is too wordy for you, skip to the end there is a video)

While the love is still there and I spent a good 12 minutes dancing/moving erratically to 'Judas' and 'Edge of Glory' today, I think Lady Gaga needs to sit the fuck down and take a good look at herself. She has gone way wayyyy too far and is taking herself way wayyyy too seriously. Like, relax.

Here are some of my favourite recent nuggets of brilliance which so clearly demonstrate the up-the-assness Gaga has been demonstrating lately that make me want gouge my eyeballs out with pointy fingernails:

Re: The brilliance of 'Judas'
"I just have to say (Starts crying)....I feel like honestly that God sent me those lyrics and that melody. When you feel a message to give to the world and people are shooting arrows through it...there's no way for something that pure to be wrong" -

On her originality:
"Let me tell you something. If you fucking rip my hairbow and my wig off my fucking head, my shoes, my bra, every single thing on my body, and you throw me on a piano with a microphone, I will fucking make you cry...I'm not going to start churning out what you expect. If you're looking for me to be something that isn't there, STOP LOOKING. I am not that. I am not created. If you want me to be a manufactured act, you can fuck off." UGH SHUT THE FUCK UP -

On her own general amazingness, and how coming out of an egg or wearing a meat dress is, like, really important art:
"Glam culture is ultimately rooted in obsession, and those of us who are truly devoted and loyal to lifestyle of glamour are masters of its history. Or, to put it more elegantly, we are librarians. I myself can look at almost any hemline, silhouette, bead work, or heel architecture and tell you very precisely who designed it first, what French painter they stole it from, how many designers reinvented it after them, and what cultural and musical movement parented the birth, death, and resurrection of that particular trend. So dear critics and bullies: get your library cards out, because I'm about to do a reading."

"As someone who references and annotates her work vigilantly, I am putting all of you on notice. I've done my homework, have you? Where are your library cards? Did they expire?"

"There is no chicken or egg. It's molecular. Cells give birth to cells. To put it more bluntly, the Hussein Chalayan vessel I wore at the Grammys wasn't inspired by a chicken. It was stolen from an egg. But the transformation, the context, and the approach taken to reinterpret the meaning of birth and rebirth in terms of fame on a fucking red carpet — this is what creates the modernity of the statement. The past undergoes mitosis, becoming the originality of the future." -

On how she is just the greatest, ever, in general:
"Speaking purely from a musical standpoint, I think I am a great performer. I am a talented entertainer. I consider myself to have one of the greatest voices in the industry. I consider myself to be one of the greatest songwriters. I wouldn't say that I am one of the greatest dancers, but I am really quite good at what I do. I think it’s OK to be confident in yourself." -

I just can't with this ho. I am, seriously, about to quit this bitch. How much more of her BS can I take? Remember when Gaga was just fun? When she just wore slutty outfits and it was funny and cute and she didn't take herself so seriously? I miss that Gaga. This one's a pain in the ass.

Much like I imagine this was:

What I'm trying to say is, Gaga, I still like you. I do. And I will always dance along to your songs. I will learn the words and I will defend you and your phantom penis to your haters. But I prefer this:

To this:

Ya dig?

P.S. I think Bieber sums all of this up best in about 12 seconds. EVEN THOUGH THE WHOLE VIDEO IS TOTALLY AWESOME, skip to 4:30 if you're not totally enamoured with him as I am and can't sit through an entire vid. It's adorably worth it, I promise you.

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