The Dark Side

On the other hand, we now have the dark moody ones (aka those closest to my heart). I feel like if tweaked some of these, they would be outstanding. As they are in their current states though, well, I have thoughts.

Look clearly this isn't bad, I just feel like it could be better. As discussed at length today, I think her hair should be red (italics are fun and emphatic) because it would really make her features pop. She could also use some jewels I think. Besides, she has already had her navy moment and it was good. 

Oh my gorgeous Anna Kendrick are you doing the Angelina leg?!?! What's happening at your midriff??? I enjoyed the back (cannot find pic yet sorry) but…no. Nice hair and makeup though, I appreciate the red lip.

First and foremost - well done on improving the boob dart situation from last year. I do actually really like this cut and style and the theory of this dress, however I wish the chest area wasn't clad in crystals. I think this would have been so, so, so amazing if it was like, metal or something fuck-off badass like that. You know? You know. Also she seemed to be on the verge of tears while presenting and I want to shake her and say "STOP APOLOGISING FOR YOUR EXISTENCE. YOU ARE VERY TALENTED." One day.

I weirdly like this. It seems a bit sporty up top but it kind of works considering her role here today? Which is to say, not nominated and not a focus at all. And LOVE her red lip, it makes such a difference. I think I have an issue with the hair though? It looks…messy. And like she doesn't know how to work her extensions. I wish she was still rocking her short hair, it must be a pretty sweet bob by now. Can we be friends Emma? I just want to help because I like you is all.

Snooze-fest. And maybe a bit witchy? Whatever, are you even still reading this? Look at that face. She is dazzling.

ARGH. LOVE SO MUCH. Great fit, red lip, beautiful accessories Miss Karen O has nailed this look. I actually get surprised when musicians don't fail at the Oscars. Which is not fair, but history dictates this is often the case. All over this one though. I actually got no shade to throw. 

This looks better from certain angles than others, and at this angle, it is pretty damn good. Oh hai Margot Robbie! I feel like a cherry red lipstick would have elevated this to a whole other level though, as opposed to the very dark plum thing she has happening because it's a bit much. 

Sigh. Olivia Wilde is really working hard to win me over and I think she's done it. I love this black velvet design on her and I really love that she didn't stoop to the dreaded belly-cupping on the red carpet. It's a pet hate of mine and she passed the test with flying colours. Stunning. Also snaps for Jason Sudeikis who is looking so great at the moment. 

I know you can be overwhelmed, and you can underwhelmed, but can you ever just be 'whelmed'?

I think you can in Europe.

So I'm choosing to be today, because I'm totally European, duh.

AS PER USUAL we had an abundance of beige 'meh' FAILURES on the red carpet today. It made me upset and I craved some colour or something dramatic to break it up (look I know it's a bit rich coming from me, but I didn't get dressed today to entertain millions of people, I got dressed to watch the Oscars). I missed Zoe Saldana actually, she never disappoints.

All in all, 2014 was pretty average on the fashion front. Let's do this.

UGH. Probably her worst offering in…like…a long fucking time. Was really glad not to actually have her on the red carpet asking inane questions this year though like 'How did you get ready today?' which she asked JLaw last year, to which she replied 'What do you mean?…I showered…and then I got my hair and makeup done…and then I put this on.' So. At least we were spared that. But it honestly looked like Giuliana had white concealer on her lips. It was horrifying. I bet this is Marchesa too. I just looked it up (professionalism!) and it's just a nothing designer. So it may as well be Marchesa.

I can't lie, I expect nothing from Jennifer Garner. But I'll always be optimistic, just in case. Eh, at least it's pretty gorgeous from the neck up and she's not wearing a dinosaur tail like last year - improvement!

HAH. I don't care if this is Chanel, Jessica Biel is the wooooorst and this is the worst. How do these people look in the mirror and not even acknowledge they could use some colour on their faces?! She is literally the same shade from top to toe, other than her hair.

Sidenote: I KNOW THIS IS ALL VERY SAME-Y. STAY WITH ME. YOUR EYES MAY BE GLAZING OVER, BUT WE CAN GET THROUGH IT TOGETHER.

Another opposite-of-favourite (read: I hate her), Kristen Bell is dressed in an ill-fitting disaster. Props for losing baby weight, blah blah, it's ugly and I want to shake her weird wispy hair out. It looks plastered to her head, and very prom-ish. And just to clarify my very harsh, unbiased feelings on K-Bell - I love Veronica Mars but this real-life person is married to Dax Shephard. 'Nuff said. There's other stuff too but I feel like that is a pretty significant indicator.

Awe. Pene you are better than this. Also, where is Javier?!?! Still, she is so very, very beautiful that I can forgive her for this boring thing. At least it's not feathered and mermaid-taily. Bright sides! I can see them!

Sally Hawkins…I just…I can't...this makes me so sad :(

Unfortunately, this is the best photo I could find of Sarah Paulson at this early stage. Love her, but this was honestly the same from her shoes to her face. She is better than this. And also better as a blonde. But I really like her haircut so that's a good thing! Straws, I am grasping at them.

Okay WE MADE IT! There are more posts coming but I had to get these basic bitches out of the way first so SORRY if you have melted into a puddle of boredom already, but it's over now.

Oscars Day!

It's finally here! Happy Oscars Day!!!

Clearly my favourite time of the year (why isn't it a National holiday yet?), and following Mardi Gras weekend it might be too much glam to handle, but I can't wait.

My picks are Lupita for Best Supporting Actress (and Jared Leto's future ex-wife), Jared Leto's luscious locks for Best Supporting Actor, La Blanchett for Best Actress, the McConnaissance for Best Actor and 12 Years a Slave for Best Film, possibly Alfonos Cuaron or Steve McQueen for Best Director.

If Jennifer Lawrence wins, as much as I love her, I might stab my eyeballs out while wailing loudly at my desk. SO UNIVERSE PLEASE DO NOT ALLOW THAT SHIT TO HAPPEN AT WORK.

Now all we can do is wait for the dresses! Come back tonight I will be blogging all about it.

The highlights package

Ahhh one awards show is already over for the year. It's bittersweet, especially as Amy and Tina did such a magnificent job hosting again, but that's just how the world works and we have to accept it. Awards Season is fleeting, intense and spectacular and I wouldn't have it any other way.

1. Amy and Tina
Pretty much anything associated with one or the other is bound to be good, but the two of them together create true magic. And giggles. My two favourites were:

"Gravity: It's the story of how George Clooney would rather float away into space and die than spend one more minute with a woman his own age!"

"And now, like a supermodel's vagina, let's all give a warm welcome to Leonardo Dicaprio!"

OH AND RANDY!

And Tina throwing some shade on Taylor Swift made my night. After Amy won, Tina ecstatically hugged her and said "I love you, there's a special place in hell for you!" Swifty of course infamously said of Amy and Tina, "there's a special place in hell for women who don't support other women" after they made a joke about her hooking up with Michael J Fox's son at last year's Golden Globes. Because Swift is the worst. But Tina is the best and so she slammed her.

Whatever, it's all the best, just watch it.

2. LESLIE KNOPE FINALLY WINS.

See above video.

3. JLaw and Nicholas Hoult finally attend something proper together 
So now I can watch them be like, the hottest couple ever.

4. Julia Louis Dreyfus snubs Reese Witherspoon 

And it's the best.

5. Elisabeth Moss flips off the stupid Mani Cam
TWICE!

6. Two of my favourite people become one
Tina: Amy Poehler is nominated for her work on Parks and Recreation
Amy: I believe Amy is here tonight. Can we get a shot of her?
Tina: She looks fantastic!
Amy: She looks amazing! Wow, radiant! It is hard to believe she's a 42-year old mother of two.

7. Cate Blanchett. Just everything.
Especially when she told Leonardo Dicaprio that she hated Ryan Seacrest right after her interview. Hahahaha. Haha. Love her.

8. Robert Downey Jr
It's the WORST when he isn't at an award's show. I always miss him. I'm glad he was at this one.

9. Emma Thompson
For entertaining us and being Emma Thompson.

10. Jennifer Lawrence photo-bombing Taylor Swift
This would have been better if they didn't then fawn all over each other and gush about their friendship. Instead, I prefer to pretend that right after the photo bomb happened, JLaw crash-tackled Swifty to the ground.

Aaaaaand I'm out. But don't worry my gorgeous Gossip Lovers, awards season has only just begun. Come back for the Grammy's, SAGs, and whatever other trash in between. Yay!

The very best of the 71st Golden Globe Awards

Finally! We are getting to the light at the end of a sometimes bleak and often shit-covered tunnel!

With no further ado let's get to the good stuff.

Lupita Lyong'o is so bloody beautiful it's ridiculous. Collective gasps around the office proved this was an immediate favourite (even if it has the essence of Gwyneth's white Tom Ford cape...still good).

Yaaaaaay Tina recovered beautifully from the flamingo tragedy that will heretofore never be mentioned again!

HOLY HELL HOW STUNNING IS AMY POEHLER? I mean, I already knew but DAMN she is looking INCREDIBLE. I don't believe there is any language superfluous enough to describe her. 

FIST PUMP ALSO FOR LESLIE KNOPE FINALLY WINNING A GODDAMN AWARD. 

Should I even bother explaining? Flawless Cate remains flawless. Forever. Cate Blanchett wins alllll of the awards. Seriously. Just give her all of them.

Oh hey Margot Robbie you are so my new favourite!!! Really like that she did not pair this with a boring white shoe or something. So, so, so gorgeous and that dress fits her like a glove. And can we please note how effortlessly she recovered from having nothing to read on the teleprompter? Not bad for a rookie.

Honourable Mention

This bitch. Love everything.

PHEW. So clothes are done for another year I just have one last post coming up with highlights from the show! Stay tuned and thanks for reading! I just love award season. Swoooon.

I'm not angry, I'm just disappointed

WHICH IS SO MUCH WORSE THAN ANGER BECAUSE I EXPECTED BETTER FROM ALL OF YOU WHAT THE HELL.

I had to create a whole new list because I couldn't bear to put these ladies on a 'Worst' list. That's how painful this is for me. That's how deep the love is. I just want you all to know this is as hard for me as it is for you to hear. Okay? Let's still be friends afterwards.

Believe it or not, this is Emma Watson. Emma Watson is usually elegant, tastefully edgy and refreshingly youthful. And today she wore a red jersey half-dress over black pants with blue shoes. What is happening.

Noooooooo! JLaw!!!!!! I don't even hate the dress, but WHY is she wearing blue eye-shadow, brown lipstick and green earrings?! Who allowed this to happen? How can anyone even make Jennifer Lawrence anything less than perfectly stunning? Is Rachel Zoe still her stylist? I don't get it. My heart hurts.

Psht. This is largely inoffensive but it's so...blah. I thought Kerry would be a really cool and stylish pregnant starlet a la Cate Blanchett because she is such a risk-taker usually. But this is such a mediocre Balenciaga I can't help but feel robbed. Also...she is belly cupping. Ugh.

Oh Sandy, Sandy, Sandy. I have no words. But just know that I still love you. And we will forget this ever happened, okay?

Literally gasped and covered my face with my hands when I first saw her, right Chris? Right. The flamingoes, the fabric, the sad half-up, half-down hair, it's all bad. I can't think of a single thing to save her from this ensemble. OTHER THAN HOW AWESOME SHE IS. So Tina still wins. Phew.

People who make me want to punch myself in the face with excitement

...because I don't want to punch myself in the face with rage.

Which is an improvement, I guess? Solid effort from these guys, with an altogether pleasing after-effect. Like palate cleansers, even!

Okay, okay hear me out. Elisabeth Moss looked stunning when I first saw her, and I don't think the bottom is enough to detract from how pleased this initially made me. Also she added some more vibrant red lippy which was divine when she won her award and graced the stage. Some eyeliner wouldn't have gone astray though, and better shoes. Just saying.

Emilia Clarke has barely ever had a mis-step I think. This was really structured and made me smile and I can't hate on Daenarys, lesbereal.

Jordan Catalano has a Golden Globe!!! How lovely is Jared Leto when he comes to play?? So dapper and pretty and that luscious hair! Oh how I wish he wore it out. Just divine.

This isn't the best picture of Jessica Chastain's dress, but you can see the detail nicely. This is a good black dress for when you know the evening is not about you, but you still want to look nice. Well done gorgeous Jessica, my gorgeous queen. But just like last year, this hair is not working for me (or you) and also some eye makeup would have enhanced everything so nicely...

I just really like this picture. HEY GUYS LEMME BE YOUR FRIEND.

Gorgeous, gorgeous family. Kyra Sedgwick and Kevin Bacon are so bangin' still, and look so in love, I would be devastated if anything happened to this union. Stunning daughter too, but how could she fail with those genes?

Another ridiculously gorgeous couple. Liev's suit fits impeccably and Naomi is stunning in Tom Ford. Not that she ever gets it wrong anyway. I wish I could find a picture of the back detail too, that neckline extended down the low-cut back of the dress, so pretty.

Ladies and gents, Nicholas Hoult, aka my #2 (preceded only by my #1 Taylor Kitsch) who also happens to be dating my #2 lady, Jennifer Lawrence (Sara Quin is #1 forever as if you needed to ask). Look at those eyes. Oh my goodness, my stomach is doing somersaults.

Sort of pains me to admit as I don't really like her but she looks stunning. Super pregnant, super beautiful. Credit where credit is due Olivia Wilde.