Neeeew Yooork

So, I think I’m going to New York in October. I KNOW. So exciting. I have never been overseas before so am about to jump out my skin. Even though I am currently undergoing the arduous task of getting a new birth certificate (as my mother lost my original one) and applying for a new passport (I HATE FORMS) I am still undeterred.

However, all I can pretty much think about is NOT being reunited with Huna, my love and closest celebrity-gossip-sharing confidante; NOT experiencing the city that never sleeps and immersing myself in this fabulous culture that I’ve been hearing about since, like, forever; NOT meeting my family for the first time (although, admittedly, that IS pretty exciting) but about all the beauty products I want to buy.

I have serious problems. I am aware of this. BUT THEY ARE JUST SO CHEAP OVER THERE.

OPI? Cheap as chips in the old U.S. of A! MAC? Drugstore brand! NARS? A mere $24 for a lipstick! (c.f. $58 Australian…!) I think I’m hyperventilating. For someone who spends so much hard-earned cash on beauty products weekly, I feel like I’ll actually be SAVING money in New York. Or something. Math is hard.

I haven’t even MENTIONED the money I’ll save as I buy things from Topshop and Marc Jacobs! (I need a watch, for realz).

Look at all the famous landmarks I’ll be going to!

So is there anything else I should do/see in NY? That's pretty much it right? I got this covered.

Eminem

I've always liked Eminem, in a vague, back-of-my-conscience kinda way. Like, I knew his songs and I liked some of them and would listen to them randomly but then last week it was like BAM love/obsession ensued. This one didn't actually occur as suddenly as some of the others (Biebs, Tegan and Sara, Taylor Kitsch) as there was a few years of stable 'like' behind us, but still.

Nobody makes me oscillate so wildly between giggling hysterically and weeping while listening to a single album before. The end of 'Mockingbird'? Kills my life. A beautiful almost lullaby-like song ('Now hush little baby don't you cry...stiffen that upper lip little lady, I told ya Daddy's here to hold ya through the night' makes my heart squeeze in on itself) and then, the last verse:

And if that mockingbird don't sing,
And that ring don't shine, I'ma break that birdie's neck
I'd go back to the jeweler who sold it to ya,
And make him eat every carat, don't fuck with dad haha

So unexpected and so funny. Makes me el-oh-el every damn time. But as with all new obsessions, the time spent fantasising about how we would meet and fall in love takes up a big portion of my time.

With Eminem, I think a huge part of the attraction is how much he loves his kiddies. I work with kids, so I imagine being at a park or something nannying and he would see how good I am with children and even though he's a bit scary, he would like how sweet and cool I am and his littlest daughter would be drawn to me in the way random kids often are (seriously, I don't know what it is about me, they effing love me and approach me on the street) and we would keep seeing each other in different social situations (where? in Detroit? I haven't ironed out the details). But I would keep my distance because, like I said, he's a bit scary, but really he'd be like a teddy bear and totally into me but still all sexy and protective. However, I would be sure to maintain/feign my cool and not pressure him or anything and things would progress naturally and BOOM we are in love.

I know, it needs more work. But I keep getting distracted imagining him looking like this:

And watching videos like this:

I mean, right?!

Most tellingly re: this obsession and how deeply affected I am is how much I FUCKING. LOVE. the song 'Shake That'. Everything about this song should make me hate it and be offended as a woman and, like, a human. But I don't. Behold, the song + lyrics. Enjoy (you know you will even though you won't want to):

'natural-looking no make-up' make-up

Of course, to get this, I should probably start with flawless dewy skin. But ALAS my skin is pretty dry at the best of times, and Winter has made it even worse.

Ugh. Spending time in air-conditioned rooms and being like, outside, in the cold windy atmosphere is severely messing with my face. And while I can nail a smoky eye or a sleek winged liquid-lined eye, a perfectly natural-looking non-obviously made up face is proving more difficult. This is my current obsession, so I must make it so. Here are the things I need to do it:

- A GOOD moisturiser. QV is just not cutting it anymore. It's good for sensitive skin I guess but I need something more hardcore. I need industrial-strength moisturiser. I want my skin to be as soft and smooth as a baby's butt and it is currently closer to the bottom of the glass of my 4th jaeger-bomb on Saturday night i.e. totally bone dry. I've heard good things about this...

...but if you have any other suggestions that you think might help PLEASE tell me. I'm practically begging on bended knees here.

- A new concealer! My Touche Eclat has run out (already! my makeup never runs out! this is so weird for me) and I'm wondering whether I should replace this pricey item or just get a proper concealer that will actually eradicate dark circles and blemishes as opposed to this one which, yes, does a very good job but only on top of layers of foundation. I've heard good things about the Bobbi Brown one but am open to suggestions. Especially cheaper suggestions. REMEMBER: I have extremely dry skin (have I mentioned that?) so I need a dry skin friendly concealer.

Otherwise I  may as well get this again, it's easier than making a whole new decision about something.

- Taupey, shimmery eyeshadow for bright-eyed-noobviousmakeup eyes, as demonstrated by the lovely Zoe Foster in this video:

I've sort of attempted to do this today with my limited concealer resources, so if you see me, tell me I look pretty. I actually tried a bit. I know.

Anyway. I'll probably just trot on over to Estee Lauder for another divine eye shadow. Not sure about a cream one though. I distrust cream shadows, what with all their ability to crease and whatnot. This powder one looks like a good bet:

- Highlighters! I loooove highlighters! Have you heard me bang on about highlighters/illuminators like every bloody day? Because I do. To anyone who will listen. I am a great big fan of Bobbi Brown shimmer bricks but they are a bit too flash and night-timey for the look I am seeing to recreate. I want to look naturally flushed and glowy so I want this baby:

While everything in this case is teeny-tiny I'm kind of ok with that for the time being. I appreciate the opportunity to try a whole bunch of things and see what works for me. See, I bought the normal size bottle of Benefit's 'Moon Beam' once upon a time and HEY that did not work for me. Way too subtle. So instead of a highlighter I now mix it in with my daytime foundation to fake the glow. That works a bit better.

- Brown eyeshadow palette. Can you believe I do not own one?! I can't! I mean, der, I have millions of brown eyeshadows but they are all old, or stolen from my mum from way back in the day when I used to stay home and play with makeup as an introverted 12-year-old (hah! how times change...). Also, all the browns I have are mostly individual cases and that is a pain in the arse. I want an easy-to-use, all-in-one kit dammit! Like this:

Sit DOWN Lady Gaga

I know, WHAT? I have professed in the past my deep, unbridled love for Lady Gaga. I own this. I also own that I used to hate her and then decided she was brilliant. Now that that's out of the way, can I yell at her? (Also, if this blog is too wordy for you, skip to the end there is a video)

While the love is still there and I spent a good 12 minutes dancing/moving erratically to 'Judas' and 'Edge of Glory' today, I think Lady Gaga needs to sit the fuck down and take a good look at herself. She has gone way wayyyy too far and is taking herself way wayyyy too seriously. Like, relax.

Here are some of my favourite recent nuggets of brilliance which so clearly demonstrate the up-the-assness Gaga has been demonstrating lately that make me want gouge my eyeballs out with pointy fingernails:

Re: The brilliance of 'Judas'
"I just have to say (Starts crying)....I feel like honestly that God sent me those lyrics and that melody. When you feel a message to give to the world and people are shooting arrows through it...there's no way for something that pure to be wrong" - http://www.dlisted.com/2011/04/20/h-i-m-wrote-lady-gagas-judas

On her originality:
"Let me tell you something. If you fucking rip my hairbow and my wig off my fucking head, my shoes, my bra, every single thing on my body, and you throw me on a piano with a microphone, I will fucking make you cry...I'm not going to start churning out what you expect. If you're looking for me to be something that isn't there, STOP LOOKING. I am not that. I am not created. If you want me to be a manufactured act, you can fuck off." UGH SHUT THE FUCK UP - http://www.dlisted.com/2011/04/19/lady-gaga-unmanufactured-original

On her own general amazingness, and how coming out of an egg or wearing a meat dress is, like, really important art:
"Glam culture is ultimately rooted in obsession, and those of us who are truly devoted and loyal to lifestyle of glamour are masters of its history. Or, to put it more elegantly, we are librarians. I myself can look at almost any hemline, silhouette, bead work, or heel architecture and tell you very precisely who designed it first, what French painter they stole it from, how many designers reinvented it after them, and what cultural and musical movement parented the birth, death, and resurrection of that particular trend. So dear critics and bullies: get your library cards out, because I'm about to do a reading."

"As someone who references and annotates her work vigilantly, I am putting all of you on notice. I've done my homework, have you? Where are your library cards? Did they expire?"

"There is no chicken or egg. It's molecular. Cells give birth to cells. To put it more bluntly, the Hussein Chalayan vessel I wore at the Grammys wasn't inspired by a chicken. It was stolen from an egg. But the transformation, the context, and the approach taken to reinterpret the meaning of birth and rebirth in terms of fame on a fucking red carpet — this is what creates the modernity of the statement. The past undergoes mitosis, becoming the originality of the future." - http://www.dlisted.com/2011/05/12/lady-gaga-better-you-every-way

On how she is just the greatest, ever, in general:
"Speaking purely from a musical standpoint, I think I am a great performer. I am a talented entertainer. I consider myself to have one of the greatest voices in the industry. I consider myself to be one of the greatest songwriters. I wouldn't say that I am one of the greatest dancers, but I am really quite good at what I do. I think it’s OK to be confident in yourself." - http://www.dlisted.com/node/40767

I just can't with this ho. I am, seriously, about to quit this bitch. How much more of her BS can I take? Remember when Gaga was just fun? When she just wore slutty outfits and it was funny and cute and she didn't take herself so seriously? I miss that Gaga. This one's a pain in the ass.

Much like I imagine this was:

What I'm trying to say is, Gaga, I still like you. I do. And I will always dance along to your songs. I will learn the words and I will defend you and your phantom penis to your haters. But I prefer this:

To this:

Ya dig?

P.S. I think Bieber sums all of this up best in about 12 seconds. EVEN THOUGH THE WHOLE VIDEO IS TOTALLY AWESOME, skip to 4:30 if you're not totally enamoured with him as I am and can't sit through an entire vid. It's adorably worth it, I promise you.

inspiration/distraction/anything just end the boring stagnancy

I know, this blog has gotten a little blah lately. I am still alive. But I have lost my Brazilian boyfriend and my life has lost its sheen. And while you would think that working a measly 3 hours a day (I know) would free me up to blog more, and, like, be productive in any way, it seems that I need something to more fully occupy my time so that I can feel the need to procrastinate and do ANYthing.

Mental, I know.

I will write more stuff. And you will read it and tell me I'm brilliant, OK? Ok. I'm sorry if I've been a little distant lately. I still love you. You're pretty.

a new face

HAH just kidding, don't be crazy, how self loathing and emo would that be?

I'm just kind of sick of my current overall 'look' at the moment. Sure, I'm still keen on long flowy hair (I can't remember the last time I had it this way), coral peachy cheeks/lips and 'natural' looking eyes (of course, we ladies and lady boys know exactly how much work goes into achieving this look).

BUT. I've been feeling a bit antsy lately. I want to change something but nothing tooo drastic. When I wore my hair short it was so much easier to shake things up - I just got another short, slightly different haircut. Boom. Instant facelift. It's taken me SO. LONG. to grow my hair out though! And it's been windy a lot lately so it floats behind me all pretty-like, therefore I'm keeping it.

So what to do?

WELL. On Saturday I bought a rather rad purple mascara from MAC!!! I know, I am awesome. I have been searching for a nice coloured mascara for a while now (don't 80s judge me, coloured mascaras are coming back, trust me) so it was a pleasant surprise to see MAC's new range which looks a little something like this:

Like I said, I got the purple one but I want electric blue next. Purple is a good choice though if you want something a bit more subtle. I've worn it twice now, and it's been noticed on each occasion, but only in the right light. If you've got a bit of flashy bright light around you and you have pretty dark lashes like me, you might get it to look like this (sometimes even a bit brighter, but I couldn't be bothered to keep taking pictures that really captured the right light, at the right angle, etc):

And in normal light, you might look like this:

As you can see, you also get quite a bit of length from this baby. PLUS it is actually super gorgeous with my staple coral makeup! As well as with pink, charcoal and black. Surprisingly versatile.

Next stop, hair. I AM SO BORED OF MY HAIR. Unless it's windy, as mentioned, and it's all floaty behind me. I used to cut my hair seriously all the time, but I've never dyed it. Ever. And I don't really want to because I quite like my natural hair colour. What to do then?! a girl might ask herself.

Well, do you remember what gorgeous Drew Barrymore did to hers during the 'Whip It' press tour? It's ok if you don't remember, I have pics:

But you know, the opposite. As my hair is super dark brown, I really, really want dip-dyed bleached blonde tips. Super straight edged, all along the bottom, about 3/4 of an inch up. That way, if I get sick of it really quick/hate it immediately I can just snip it off! And voila, healthy ends again. What do you think? My mother hates the idea but I'm sort of fixating on the possibility of doing it next week.

my imaginary brazilian boyfriend

My imaginary brazilian boyfriend (not a figment of my imagination, he is real, just not my actual boyfriend) no longer works around the corner from where I live.

...

I'll let that awful news sink in. After not seeing him for a week (I often get off the bus early simply to walk past the restaurant and have a chat with him/simply glimpse him) I began to worry. So I did some investigations (read: forced my bestie to call the restaurant and casually ask for him) and I discovered he no longer works there, but at another location.

So. I have been achingly depressed ever since. Not only because he is GONE forever and I will most likely never see him again as the new restaurant is so far out of the way of my daily life it is not conceivable to ever run into him again but ALSO because it has actually been so long since I've been to the restaurant.

I kept putting it off because I felt I'd been going too much since he showed me how to make cocktails behind the bar and he could smell my desperation (he was SO CLOSE though, how could he not? Not gonna lie, we were body-to-body squeezing past each other behind that bar). So I just kept thinking "I'll go in a few weeks, give it some time." I feel robbed.

I want him back. What is the point of getting up, making an effort and leaving the house? It's not like I'm bound to run into him anymore. I can't even find him on facebook! I only know his first name, and I don't think he remembers mine.

I am so sad. Everything has lost its pleasant glow. GO AWAY SUN, YOU ARE NOT WANTED TODAY.

You probably think I'm being irrationally upset about all this, about a person I barely know (and don't be mistaken - all my whining on this blog/facebook/twitter is not histrionics, I'm truly, like, depressed and my mother thinks I'm mental).

But it's fun having a crush. And it's fun having a crush you have the chance of seeing on a daily basis. And it's fun flirting with them almost every day. And it's fun to have an excuse to put on fresh lipstick to go to the grocery store. And it's fun concoting elaborate fantasies about the passionate love affair we will have before he possibly moves back to Brazil in the next year.

Well that's how long I thought I had and prepared myself for. He was taken from me all too soon.

P.S. Someone knows I'm sad. There is a giant ass GIANT sticky date cake in the fridge...