'natural-looking no make-up' make-up

Of course, to get this, I should probably start with flawless dewy skin. But ALAS my skin is pretty dry at the best of times, and Winter has made it even worse.

Ugh. Spending time in air-conditioned rooms and being like, outside, in the cold windy atmosphere is severely messing with my face. And while I can nail a smoky eye or a sleek winged liquid-lined eye, a perfectly natural-looking non-obviously made up face is proving more difficult. This is my current obsession, so I must make it so. Here are the things I need to do it:

- A GOOD moisturiser. QV is just not cutting it anymore. It's good for sensitive skin I guess but I need something more hardcore. I need industrial-strength moisturiser. I want my skin to be as soft and smooth as a baby's butt and it is currently closer to the bottom of the glass of my 4th jaeger-bomb on Saturday night i.e. totally bone dry. I've heard good things about this...

...but if you have any other suggestions that you think might help PLEASE tell me. I'm practically begging on bended knees here.

- A new concealer! My Touche Eclat has run out (already! my makeup never runs out! this is so weird for me) and I'm wondering whether I should replace this pricey item or just get a proper concealer that will actually eradicate dark circles and blemishes as opposed to this one which, yes, does a very good job but only on top of layers of foundation. I've heard good things about the Bobbi Brown one but am open to suggestions. Especially cheaper suggestions. REMEMBER: I have extremely dry skin (have I mentioned that?) so I need a dry skin friendly concealer.

Otherwise I  may as well get this again, it's easier than making a whole new decision about something.

- Taupey, shimmery eyeshadow for bright-eyed-noobviousmakeup eyes, as demonstrated by the lovely Zoe Foster in this video:

I've sort of attempted to do this today with my limited concealer resources, so if you see me, tell me I look pretty. I actually tried a bit. I know.

Anyway. I'll probably just trot on over to Estee Lauder for another divine eye shadow. Not sure about a cream one though. I distrust cream shadows, what with all their ability to crease and whatnot. This powder one looks like a good bet:

- Highlighters! I loooove highlighters! Have you heard me bang on about highlighters/illuminators like every bloody day? Because I do. To anyone who will listen. I am a great big fan of Bobbi Brown shimmer bricks but they are a bit too flash and night-timey for the look I am seeing to recreate. I want to look naturally flushed and glowy so I want this baby:

While everything in this case is teeny-tiny I'm kind of ok with that for the time being. I appreciate the opportunity to try a whole bunch of things and see what works for me. See, I bought the normal size bottle of Benefit's 'Moon Beam' once upon a time and HEY that did not work for me. Way too subtle. So instead of a highlighter I now mix it in with my daytime foundation to fake the glow. That works a bit better.

- Brown eyeshadow palette. Can you believe I do not own one?! I can't! I mean, der, I have millions of brown eyeshadows but they are all old, or stolen from my mum from way back in the day when I used to stay home and play with makeup as an introverted 12-year-old (hah! how times change...). Also, all the browns I have are mostly individual cases and that is a pain in the arse. I want an easy-to-use, all-in-one kit dammit! Like this:

Sit DOWN Lady Gaga

I know, WHAT? I have professed in the past my deep, unbridled love for Lady Gaga. I own this. I also own that I used to hate her and then decided she was brilliant. Now that that's out of the way, can I yell at her? (Also, if this blog is too wordy for you, skip to the end there is a video)

While the love is still there and I spent a good 12 minutes dancing/moving erratically to 'Judas' and 'Edge of Glory' today, I think Lady Gaga needs to sit the fuck down and take a good look at herself. She has gone way wayyyy too far and is taking herself way wayyyy too seriously. Like, relax.

Here are some of my favourite recent nuggets of brilliance which so clearly demonstrate the up-the-assness Gaga has been demonstrating lately that make me want gouge my eyeballs out with pointy fingernails:

Re: The brilliance of 'Judas'
"I just have to say (Starts crying)....I feel like honestly that God sent me those lyrics and that melody. When you feel a message to give to the world and people are shooting arrows through it...there's no way for something that pure to be wrong" - http://www.dlisted.com/2011/04/20/h-i-m-wrote-lady-gagas-judas

On her originality:
"Let me tell you something. If you fucking rip my hairbow and my wig off my fucking head, my shoes, my bra, every single thing on my body, and you throw me on a piano with a microphone, I will fucking make you cry...I'm not going to start churning out what you expect. If you're looking for me to be something that isn't there, STOP LOOKING. I am not that. I am not created. If you want me to be a manufactured act, you can fuck off." UGH SHUT THE FUCK UP - http://www.dlisted.com/2011/04/19/lady-gaga-unmanufactured-original

On her own general amazingness, and how coming out of an egg or wearing a meat dress is, like, really important art:
"Glam culture is ultimately rooted in obsession, and those of us who are truly devoted and loyal to lifestyle of glamour are masters of its history. Or, to put it more elegantly, we are librarians. I myself can look at almost any hemline, silhouette, bead work, or heel architecture and tell you very precisely who designed it first, what French painter they stole it from, how many designers reinvented it after them, and what cultural and musical movement parented the birth, death, and resurrection of that particular trend. So dear critics and bullies: get your library cards out, because I'm about to do a reading."

"As someone who references and annotates her work vigilantly, I am putting all of you on notice. I've done my homework, have you? Where are your library cards? Did they expire?"

"There is no chicken or egg. It's molecular. Cells give birth to cells. To put it more bluntly, the Hussein Chalayan vessel I wore at the Grammys wasn't inspired by a chicken. It was stolen from an egg. But the transformation, the context, and the approach taken to reinterpret the meaning of birth and rebirth in terms of fame on a fucking red carpet — this is what creates the modernity of the statement. The past undergoes mitosis, becoming the originality of the future." - http://www.dlisted.com/2011/05/12/lady-gaga-better-you-every-way

On how she is just the greatest, ever, in general:
"Speaking purely from a musical standpoint, I think I am a great performer. I am a talented entertainer. I consider myself to have one of the greatest voices in the industry. I consider myself to be one of the greatest songwriters. I wouldn't say that I am one of the greatest dancers, but I am really quite good at what I do. I think it’s OK to be confident in yourself." - http://www.dlisted.com/node/40767

I just can't with this ho. I am, seriously, about to quit this bitch. How much more of her BS can I take? Remember when Gaga was just fun? When she just wore slutty outfits and it was funny and cute and she didn't take herself so seriously? I miss that Gaga. This one's a pain in the ass.

Much like I imagine this was:

What I'm trying to say is, Gaga, I still like you. I do. And I will always dance along to your songs. I will learn the words and I will defend you and your phantom penis to your haters. But I prefer this:

To this:

Ya dig?

P.S. I think Bieber sums all of this up best in about 12 seconds. EVEN THOUGH THE WHOLE VIDEO IS TOTALLY AWESOME, skip to 4:30 if you're not totally enamoured with him as I am and can't sit through an entire vid. It's adorably worth it, I promise you.

inspiration/distraction/anything just end the boring stagnancy

I know, this blog has gotten a little blah lately. I am still alive. But I have lost my Brazilian boyfriend and my life has lost its sheen. And while you would think that working a measly 3 hours a day (I know) would free me up to blog more, and, like, be productive in any way, it seems that I need something to more fully occupy my time so that I can feel the need to procrastinate and do ANYthing.

Mental, I know.

I will write more stuff. And you will read it and tell me I'm brilliant, OK? Ok. I'm sorry if I've been a little distant lately. I still love you. You're pretty.

a new face

HAH just kidding, don't be crazy, how self loathing and emo would that be?

I'm just kind of sick of my current overall 'look' at the moment. Sure, I'm still keen on long flowy hair (I can't remember the last time I had it this way), coral peachy cheeks/lips and 'natural' looking eyes (of course, we ladies and lady boys know exactly how much work goes into achieving this look).

BUT. I've been feeling a bit antsy lately. I want to change something but nothing tooo drastic. When I wore my hair short it was so much easier to shake things up - I just got another short, slightly different haircut. Boom. Instant facelift. It's taken me SO. LONG. to grow my hair out though! And it's been windy a lot lately so it floats behind me all pretty-like, therefore I'm keeping it.

So what to do?

WELL. On Saturday I bought a rather rad purple mascara from MAC!!! I know, I am awesome. I have been searching for a nice coloured mascara for a while now (don't 80s judge me, coloured mascaras are coming back, trust me) so it was a pleasant surprise to see MAC's new range which looks a little something like this:

Like I said, I got the purple one but I want electric blue next. Purple is a good choice though if you want something a bit more subtle. I've worn it twice now, and it's been noticed on each occasion, but only in the right light. If you've got a bit of flashy bright light around you and you have pretty dark lashes like me, you might get it to look like this (sometimes even a bit brighter, but I couldn't be bothered to keep taking pictures that really captured the right light, at the right angle, etc):

And in normal light, you might look like this:

As you can see, you also get quite a bit of length from this baby. PLUS it is actually super gorgeous with my staple coral makeup! As well as with pink, charcoal and black. Surprisingly versatile.

Next stop, hair. I AM SO BORED OF MY HAIR. Unless it's windy, as mentioned, and it's all floaty behind me. I used to cut my hair seriously all the time, but I've never dyed it. Ever. And I don't really want to because I quite like my natural hair colour. What to do then?! a girl might ask herself.

Well, do you remember what gorgeous Drew Barrymore did to hers during the 'Whip It' press tour? It's ok if you don't remember, I have pics:

But you know, the opposite. As my hair is super dark brown, I really, really want dip-dyed bleached blonde tips. Super straight edged, all along the bottom, about 3/4 of an inch up. That way, if I get sick of it really quick/hate it immediately I can just snip it off! And voila, healthy ends again. What do you think? My mother hates the idea but I'm sort of fixating on the possibility of doing it next week.

my imaginary brazilian boyfriend

My imaginary brazilian boyfriend (not a figment of my imagination, he is real, just not my actual boyfriend) no longer works around the corner from where I live.

...

I'll let that awful news sink in. After not seeing him for a week (I often get off the bus early simply to walk past the restaurant and have a chat with him/simply glimpse him) I began to worry. So I did some investigations (read: forced my bestie to call the restaurant and casually ask for him) and I discovered he no longer works there, but at another location.

So. I have been achingly depressed ever since. Not only because he is GONE forever and I will most likely never see him again as the new restaurant is so far out of the way of my daily life it is not conceivable to ever run into him again but ALSO because it has actually been so long since I've been to the restaurant.

I kept putting it off because I felt I'd been going too much since he showed me how to make cocktails behind the bar and he could smell my desperation (he was SO CLOSE though, how could he not? Not gonna lie, we were body-to-body squeezing past each other behind that bar). So I just kept thinking "I'll go in a few weeks, give it some time." I feel robbed.

I want him back. What is the point of getting up, making an effort and leaving the house? It's not like I'm bound to run into him anymore. I can't even find him on facebook! I only know his first name, and I don't think he remembers mine.

I am so sad. Everything has lost its pleasant glow. GO AWAY SUN, YOU ARE NOT WANTED TODAY.

You probably think I'm being irrationally upset about all this, about a person I barely know (and don't be mistaken - all my whining on this blog/facebook/twitter is not histrionics, I'm truly, like, depressed and my mother thinks I'm mental).

But it's fun having a crush. And it's fun having a crush you have the chance of seeing on a daily basis. And it's fun flirting with them almost every day. And it's fun to have an excuse to put on fresh lipstick to go to the grocery store. And it's fun concoting elaborate fantasies about the passionate love affair we will have before he possibly moves back to Brazil in the next year.

Well that's how long I thought I had and prepared myself for. He was taken from me all too soon.

P.S. Someone knows I'm sad. There is a giant ass GIANT sticky date cake in the fridge...

A piece of John Krasinski ass

I recently saw 'Something Borrowed' at the cinema (twice...) and it has become clear to me now that I am in love with John Krasinski. JK has catapulted into a full-blown obsession of mine in record time. I bought The Office (US) season 1 on Sunday and promptly went out and bought a boxset of seasons 1-5 yesterday, leaving me with two season 1s. D'oh.

Anyhoo, I know he is already married. And that's fine. But only because it's Emily Blunt, who I also love and adore. But it won't kill me to dream and get my quiver on.

Now, I'm not gonna lie. For a while I actually thought the divine Emily was batting below her league (I DIDN'T KNOW ANY BETTER) but really, she's traded way, way up (remember douchelord Buble?) and they look very happy together. And Johnny looks like the perfect hubby. I'm not sure exactly what it is about him that's so gosh darn appealing.

I mean, obviously, he's very very funny and that's the #1 attribute I seek in a partner (to match my own biting wit har har). But he's so much more than that. He wears a suit very well. Indeed, he's the perfect nerd in that he's a nerd who's not socially inept and can dress well. IT'S THE DREAM! He's got the height and slim hips a shirt aches for. He's just...everything. I love him. In a parallel universe where was no EmilyWife, I would covet him as my own...

And with the wife...

How can I deny them their couple-dom?! They're perfect! And perfectly matched too, take a gander at these interviews (be warned: productivity for the day may or may not wane dramatically).





And John with George Clooney. I mean...yes.

I want you all to be more like Swifty

I KNOW, I KNOW. I hate Taylor Swift. I hate her sanctimonious butter-wouldn't-melt sugar sweet persona. I hate how she dates millions of douches (WITH THE EXCEPTION OF JAKEY) but everyone still hails her as a sweet, innocent ingenue who's just looking for love. Most importantly, I hate how she always looks exactly the same. Safe, and exactly the same. Ringlets, glossy lips, sparkly gowns, etc etc.

BUT. Last night, at the 2011 Met Gala (in honour of Alexander McQueen) Swifty turned up like this:

Goooorgeous, no? Ugh, I could eat her face/hug her/do jumpy happy claps. She looks like a more gorgeous, edgier, more interesting version of herself. L-O-V-E. I can see past our troubled history and give this one to Swifty. Let's look at the rest shall we?

With the exception of a few ladies, I am hugely underwhelmed by the turnout/outfits last night. So many people played it safe and others just got it wrong. BO-RING. I'll start with the ones I like (as there aren't many) and we'll get into the good shit later.

A job well done
 

Emma, my angel, you are perfect as always. I can't find one fault. You've even finally figured out how to werk the blonde. Love you. Always.

Is it weird that I like this Chanel on Freida Pinto? Only on her.

 LOVE Diane always (even if this is a bit lacklustre for her). She gets bonus points for Joshua Jackson though. Best boyfriend ever, he always says he loves standing back and watching her. Also, she picked his outfit. Which, adorable.

MICHELLE!!! You are not in white/off-white/ivory!!!! It's not colour, but it is a departure from your recent offerings. And there are no daisies anywhere. You win. Gorgeous gorgeous gorgeous.

BAD

Seriously what is that material? Just because you're cute and pregnant doesn't mean you can get away with this shit Alba. You're a nobody now so you gotta at least keep yourself somewhat relevant with your style a la Bilson and Bosworth (and stop pimping out your cute daughter at the park).

REALLY? The ratty fake ass extensions, the fit of the dress, the blah colour, THE HEADPIECE - REEEAALLY? I love you gurl. Don't ever do this to me again.

Kiki is dat chu?

The tiny adorable pixie of my heart...why do you have huge hips and super ugly things on your feet? You're better than this. Also, smile. At least you're wearing COLOUR.

Oh Gwyneth. You used to be one of the greatest. Fashion-forward and couldn't give a shit about the masses...and now you're in a bedazzled nude sheath...and peach satin shoes. For shame.

I like her. I do. And good for her for losing so much weight and getting healthy. But goddamn her people do not know how to dress for her new body + tits.

Um...do you WANT me to think of you only as teen vampire goth trash? You're too good for this! And so, so achingly beautiful. Why do you make it so hard for me to love you wholly?

I'm so sick of Alexa Chung. What is that? The sad sack + the blank 'nonchalance'...I am so over Alexa Chung's blah sameness.

I've never liked Isabel Lucas and this reaffirms that, but I've got to wonder - what to the trash mags see in her? She always looks vacant and aloof and is always wearing stupid clothing (and shit on her head). Go away Isabel Lucas.

 Another one who used to be great. Another nude bedazzled sheath. Ugh.

Could be better

Unlike the ladies above who are just all-round gross, these next ones are 'ok'. And this pains me more than just OMGTHATISSOSHIT because I expect BETTER from them. I've SEEN them looking better and I know they CAN look better and forfuckssake this night was in honour of LEE. MCQUEEN. For SHAME ladies! (Ok, Kanye caps-locking is done for now)

Really, Zoe Saldana? Calvin Klein minimalist chic to a costume gala and this to the Oscars:

Chloe. Chloe, Chloe, Chloe. This is not 'bad' per se, but it is a floor-length tight black lace number. It is McQueen, yes, but when you wear things like this:

...to like, the polo and boring premieres, we expect more from you. You are kooky Chloe! You're crazy and fashiony and that's why we love you! D-.

Sure I like the dress. The shoes are pretty cute too I guess. And your hair and makeup are stunningly flawless, but remember when you wore this:

 The Met Gala is the PERFECT time to wear shit like this and I actually preferred your whacko outfit from that year than the basic black one from this year. (If you're reading this, are we fighting?)

But sadly, SJP had to be my biggest disappointment. I don't always LOVE what she's got goin on but she's generally quite fashion forward and takes risks with her sartorial statements. And despite wearing a pretty McQueen gown (nude, bedazzled...are we sensing a theme here?) to honour him, Lee McQueen was a good friend of hers, and he deserved better. She was his muse for the 2006 Anglomania Met Gala and has worn him on a number of occasions, including boring premieres. It seems wrong that THIS is what she chose on his big night.

I mean RIGHT???

BEST

When it comes to haute couture though, I guess we better leave it to the best. Nobody had nothin on Anna Della Russo and, happy sigh, Daphne Guiness.

P.S. Doesn't it seem that Kunty Karl has finally come to realise what we've all been thinking?:

"Jesus Christ what have I been doing Blake Lively is THE SHITS. Get off me you insolent vapid American! I'm too good for this. I should call Anna and stop trying to make Boobs Legsly happen, she's never going to happen. Lucky I have such an otherwise immaculate career or I would be heading straight to Dante's 7th circle of hell for this."

P.P.S. I kinda (randomly) wished that January Jones turned up to the Met Gala. Considering what she wears to like, the (pretty safe-ish) Golden Globes, I would have been interested to see what she wore for this.

One of my faveouritest faves of all time.