CAN EVERY YEAR BE THE YEAR OF ADELE?

So DUH the Grammys belonged to mah girl Adele Laurie Blue Adkins this year and I, for one, could not be more thrilled. I feel like I have been celebrating a personal friend's wonderful, victorious successes and I'm honestly grinning from ear-to-ear. Am I weird to be rejoicing in a celebrity's triumphs with such happiness and effervescence? Do I care? Doesn't everybody feel good when Adele wins? Don't we all want her to be happy and celebrated? Aren't we all rooting for her? (And aren't we all watching Simon Konecki with a fierce "be careful boy" side-eye?)

Anyway. I shall get to Adele. I can't give it all in the first paragraph can I? We need to work towards to the good stuff, get warmed up first.

The Good

I'm not going to lie, aside from Adele, there wasn't much. 

It's been a while since we've seen sleek sex-bomb Rihanna and I liked it. I love her always, no matter what she wears, but it feels like more of a win if I actually think she looks stunning and not just like I want to bang her. Honestly, she's like sex on legs. And it just got better when she put on a deep, plum lipstick later in the show. Gooorge.

Look at those dapper Followills! Jared (on the right) is my personal fave, but they all know how to rock a suit. Lily Aldridge, Caleb's wife also looked amazing. I mean, what a beautiful pregnant lady right? I don't even like her that much (she is def not my favourite Angel) but even I can see past my own bias. They are going to have one hella cute kid. P.S. Nathan's eyes do things to me. P.P.S. Why are they all settling down and getting hitched? Apart from Jared. YO JARED, HOLLA. LOVE YOU.

Only Jennifer Hudson could have done this tribute to Whitney. It was emotional, stunning, moving, all good things. It was also sad. My favourite Whitney song was done justice though. R.I.P.

The Bad

First and foremost, where was Amy? I know Whitney was the most fresh pain for everybody and is a Legend and it was huge, recent news, but I feel like Amy deserved a little more recognition than she got (which happened to be about 2.5 seconds in the Memorial montage).  But to be fair, this was a minor problem in the grand scheme of things.

Chris Brown, major Douche Lord of the Universe, was allowed to perform not once, but twice at the 2012 Grammy Awards. The same event at which his once-girlfriend was not able to attend three years ago because he beat her violently during an altercation, leaving her bruised and bloody on the side of the road. I won't post the picture here (I feel guilty because I adore Rihanna and I think she'd hate it to resurface all the time) but I think we can all remember it. Even if you can't, you know what he did. You can't excuse him, you can't explain it away. He is guilty. It happened. He is a jerk. He went out and celebrated after his trial, partying at some random Hollywood club because his sentencing was lenient as fuck and he is a smug little asshole who knows he got off easily. I don't think he knows what true remorse is.

Feeling really bad about his punishment

 He is an entitled little shit and had the gall to complain about radio stations, Oprah, old fans etc. not supporting him enough after his shallow half-hearted public apology (http://www.thesuperficial.com/chris_brown_to_oprah_why_didnt-09-2009). He clearly meant it so much that mere months after he assaulted Rihanna, he threw a fit backstage at a television studio because he didn't like the questions they were asking him (questions he and his people had seen beforehand by the way, and approved http://www.thesuperficial.com/chris-brown-approved-rihanna-questions-03-2011), yelled at everybody around him, and broke windows in his rage. Clearly, this violent fuck did not learn his lesson.

Three years on and this jerk douche asshole c--- was invited back to the Grammys to perform twice and even received an award. Ha ha domestic abuse...you're being way too sensitive about this. Come on, it's been three years, can't you all just get over it? He's changed and said sowwee. Screw you Grammys for celebrating such an awful person and making his actions okay. Screw you for making light of what he did. Screw you for validating Chris fucking Brown.

Anyway. Sorry. Didn't mean to make this post so Chris Brown-heavy but I think it's truly dangerous to let people like him get away with their miserable actions. That's my little lecture, moving on.

I love our Lady of Holiness, Gaga as much as anybody, but didn't you feel like she was such a non-event at the Grammys? How can somebody who has dominated so much in the last few years be so blah this year? Actually, no, wait, maybe it wasn't that. Maybe Gaga just knew it was Adele's year and chose not to make it all about her? Props for not showing up in an egg. Sorry, 'vessel'. Yeah, I think she knew. If this is the case, good for her. She's not in the bad column for being bad, but for sort of being nothing. Ya dig?

I wish Katy and Rihanna weren't such good friends because I fucking love Rihanna (and her deep, plummy lipstick! Oh my God! Heavenly!) but Katy reeeeaally gave me the shits last night. I think she really put the final nail in the coffin of our weird love-hate relationship. I'll still listen to her music but her ridiculous performance at the Grammys reminded me how much she can annoy me. First of all, she looked like shit. Secondly, what was that god-awful performance outfit? Thirdly, aren't you embarrassed at yourself after seeing people like Adele perform? But most importantly, how dare you project the image that Russell was a piece of shit husband who tried to take everything from you and that your marriage was meaningless. Only weeks ago you were both professing how amicable the divorce was and only DAYS ago it became public knowledge that Russell is not, in fact, taking shit from you, but walking away from $22 million that he is entitled to. So shut the fuck up and don't try and capitalise on your divorce. How pathetic.

Speaking of pathetic...I am so done with Taylor Swift. Ok, well, I always have been. The sugar fairy princess persona has always rubbed me the wrong way and the Grammys were no exception. Her annoyingness was on full display, she had an ugly fringe, she played a banjo and the "what?! little old me won?!" face was out in force. After a bazillion awards won throughout your career is it really necessary to act so shocked every damn time you win something? Ugh, fuck OFF.

The Ugly

UGLY DRESSES ARE UGLY.

I actually think if this wasn't all-the-way see-through I wouldn't have hated it so much. Or at all. I mean, it is the Grammys. It is a totally acceptable event to be dressed a little wacky. I encourage it, in fact. Just...not quite like this.

CARRIE UNDERWOOD. YOU ARE NOT AN UGLY PERSON. HOW CAN IT BE SO DIFFICULT TO MAKE YOU LOOK GOOD? Honestly, doesn't her outfit always scream "Thank you so much for the Country Music Award!" In a bad way. In a very, very bad way. N.B. Carrie also has an epic bitchface. EPIC. I prefer it so much to her fake Country Princess bullshit. http://www.laineygossip.com/Articles/Details/19104/5th-Row-Country-BitchFace

Sea urchin. Ugly. Stupid bow. Matches HAIR. Bitchface. Dumb-dumb head. Be nice to Russell, I bet that performance tore him up inside.

Yeah...I don't know. I guess Nicki is just wacky for being wacky right? That's what this is? Ok.

It's a testament to how much I love Robyn that I don't automatically just write her off after seeing this, um, ensemble. Geeeez. 

THE BEST EVER EVER EVERRRR, IN THE WHOLE WORLD

 

Really, what is there to say about Adele that you don't already know? She is beautiful. She is talented beyond belief. She is hilarious. She is engaging and warm and wonderful and I love her. I love that she is so successful, I love that she is so universally-loved, I love that she transcends musical boundaries. She deserves every bit of acclaim she gets and every one of those SIX awards she won last night.

Her speeches, as always, were endearing and heartfelt and definitely off-the-cuff ("oh, a bit of snot!"). And HER HAIR was even more spectacular. I thought I would hate her if she ever changed her hair colour from that beautiful 'ginger-nut' colour it was (her words) and yet I am all over the blonde. It's perfect for her! It's elegant, it's flattering, it's retro, it's grown-up. Oh, and her red lipstick! When I got my first glimpse of her in the pre-show I audibly gasped. I've never seen her with a red lip, and with the hair, and the gorgeous floor-length dress and her giddy smile...good lord...it was too much for me to handle.

She was pure perfection on Sunday night (always, forever, every day). Her style, her face, her voice...love love LOVE. Watching her win Album of the Year made my life. Like many I'm sure, I am emotionally attached to this record and I feel like my special little friend that has comforted me and made me cry and sent tingles down my spine has grown up and finished off a wonderful year in the most apt fashion.

It was her first time singing in five months, following her throat surgery and Adele gave us this show-stopping performance:

I AM STANDING OVATION-ING YOU FROM HOME, I LOVE YOU ADELE LAURIE ADKINS X

Props for the Original Lisbeth, and the Best.

I saw the new 'The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo' movie today. I'm not going to lie, I went in with very low expectations because I a) loved the original films so much; b) don't think an American one needed to be made so soon after the Swedish version was released and; c) hate Rooney Mara.

So I was a little biased, but truly willing to enjoy it. Because I love the damn series so much. And Lisbeth Salander hellz yeaaaahhh whatta babe.

It wasn't awful. Not at all. But the soundtrack was the best part (well done Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross, I want the music immediately). The worst part was the accents. From British to fake-Swedish to twangs of American  that shit was ALL OVER THE PLACE. Daniel Craig just seemed to give up on the Swedish early on and decided to just be a posh English bloke (who appears to constantly have pink eye, seriously, all the time, even in pap shots - he should get it checked out).

Was I supposed to love Mikael Blomqvist like I did in the original versions? Because Daniel Craig was so lacklustre and just 'there', that I had nothing to project onto. It was almost biazarre how blah he was. Not heroic at all. Also, apparently he reeeaaally had to let himself go for this film, eating "lots of pizza and drinking red wine", to make his character as "ordinary" as possible as opposed to James Bond. Okay, sure. Mmm...fail.

Sup, Fatty?

Then there are the extreme liberties that have been taken with the storyline. Duh, I know it's a Hollywood version. Duh, I know it's a film adaptation and details from novels are always changed to make it work for film...but I mean big plot points. Like, entire characters. The first movie was extremely successful and largely remained faithful to the source material. I'm just sayin'. It actually even made me confused. I've read the entire trilogy and am familiar with the storyline and I was like "WHAT? How can that happen???" Just...such superfluous changes.

Furthermore, in addition to the bad accents and weirdly altered storyline, there was a distinct lack of intensity in this film. If you've seen either version and/or read the book, you know there's a particularly pivotal, hardcore scene that takes place with Lisbeth and her guardian. In the first movie, I still watch it with my hands over my eyes, racing pulse, squirming in my seat, with a sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach and I feel like my heart is gonna drop out my ass. Today, watching the U.S. version, I flinched. I thought 'ew'. And then I carried on watching. I expected Hollywood to throw fireworks and action and just more excess into the re-make but they seem to have done the opposite and made it as bleak as possible. Again, it was fine, just lacking.

Finally, Rooney Mara. Surprisingly (shockingly) she was the least annoying person in this movie. I know. I totally hate her. And yet she looked really good, her body was sick, she didn't over-act (like I suspected). She did a fine job. However. Like the film as a whole, she was too...meh. There was NO intensity about her. I wasn't really rooting for her. She was almost dead in the eyes. Maybe that's the direction David Fincher was going, but it didn't ring true to the book or the first film, where I was fist-pumping for her and dancing around in my chair with nervous energy.

She just did not do enough to convince me that she was a better or more true or more believable Lisbeth. Everyone keeps banging on about how she got pierced and cut her hair for the role and therefore is totally amazing but I'm just saying...Noomi did it all first. She seemed like more of a badass, but also like she genuinely had feelings and was troubled and cared about what was happening. But Rooney, like I said, seemed kinda dead behind the eyes and blank. Which, again, could've been the direction they were going for but it was a lot less powerful. It sort of kills me that this version will go on to get so many heralding accolades (I have twitter, I see what people are saying) when Noomi Rapace was so perfect as Lisbeth. She IS Lisbeth. Always and forever. Please, please, if you haven't seen it and do want to watch the new one, also watch the original. Just so you can see the amazing Noomi. Or just watch the Swedish version. Hah! 

Behold, Rooney as Lisbeth:

And my girl, Noomi:

Seeeeeeeeee? She IS Lisbeth!!! You have to see her in the role. She's flawless. I love her.

Essentially, what I'm trying to say is, if you're going to make a remake of such a recent film and you don't improve on it or add a new dimension to the story...it is totally pointless. This film is totally pointless. It is not revolutionary, no does it make any impact on the world at all.

P.S. In the U.S. version, I actually find Rooney/Lisbeth's hair quite bizarre. It's quite a detailed, very specific, cut and throughout the film she has quite complex hairstyles happening. Lisbeth Salander, in my opinion, judging from the novels, would not be assed to style her hair in such elaborate do's on any given day. I just don't see it. Nor would she be bothered to (pointlessly) bleach her eyebrows on a regular basis. But I mean, that's just me.

Golden Globes Memorable Moments

And finally, for my Globes wrap-up I shall finish with my top 10 Memorable Moments from the broadcast.

10. Giuliana Rancic is a class act
I've always liked Giuliana and thought she was a great red carpet interviewer, and coincidentally I've always hated Adam Levine. So during their interview when he was being a smug sanctimonious douche, I was astounded at how Giuliana was able to not only keep her cool, but actually continue to be sweet and try and keep the conversation going. I probably would have told him to suck it, and be happy he was getting any air time at all. I said it yesterday, and I'll say it again today: show some respect you asswipe. If you can't placate and go along with a lady battling cancer and a double mastectomy you need to sit yo ass down. Found the video:

9. Peter Dinklage
A moment of Peter Dinklage is a moment of win. Especially as he did actually win. And even though I was sort of backing Guy Pearce (I don't watch 'Game of Thrones' yet, so sue me), Dinklage made me smile with his acceptance speech and I was able to accept defeat graciously (I had to do this a lot throughout the night, but not everybody was as wonderful as Dinklage and so I felt a lot more bitter about it).

8. Jessica Alba has no career and subsequently, nothing to say
I laughed so.damn.hard. during Alba's red carpet interview with Ryan Seacrest (Gaycrest). I am so not on the Alba bandwagon, and much like Natalie Portman, I don't understand why people adore her. She's beautiful, yes, but she's vapid, talentless and she uses her kids for paparazzi shots constantly. You can avoid the paps if you want to, she chooses not to (see: Johnny Depp, Kate Winslet, Leonardo DiCaprio - all massive stars who largely manage to avoid getting papped). Anyway, the interview was hilarious because they plainly had nothing to talk about - she has no career to speak of, other than showing up, looking hot at events, and whoring out her kids. So they spoke about her kids and she asked him about his holiday. I can't find a video of it, but that's seriously it in a nutshell.

7. Ricky Gervais' Opening Monologue
Not as funny as last year, certainly not as scathing, but I still had a giggle. Might need to change it up next year though, he was way too nice to be asked back AGAIN. If the producers wanted him because of the controversy and the ratings last year, why shut him up this year?

6. Lea Michele pose-harding and loving herself sick
Oh my God. I have never laughed so hard in my life. Watching Lea Michele pose on the red carpet is hilarious and looks severely painful. But we covered this in my first blog. She needs to lighten up. This 'moment' is sort of split into two parts, because they have the same theme. During her interview with Ryan Seacrest she revealed her extreme narcissism again. It was so good. This is mainly because RyRy called her out on it. She swans up and immediately starts looking for the monitors and states "I always love coming here so I can see what I look like" to which Ryan responds with "boy you knew exactly where those were." OOOH. BURN. Skip to 1:20 for a glimpse of Leo and then Lea's interview.

5. Leonardo DiCaprio's general awesomeness and Scorsese bromance
Ummm. How hot did Leo look at the Globes? Dear Lord (Lady Gaga), I had shivers. There was one moment as they were going to a commercial break where the camera panned to Leo and he had one of those "oh shit, I'm on camera moments" and it was crazy adorable. I also just thought he was really, really cute when everyone was giving Scorcese a standing ovation and he was all clappy and grinning and awe.

4. Meryl Streep's acceptance speech
She was, quite clearly, shocked to win and therefore unprepared. So, of course, Clooney tried to help her by passing her glasses along to the stage and it was a bonus C-Bomb adorable moment. Even unprepared she managed to deliver a beautiful, gracious speech, thanking talented actresses who were not even nominated/present (like the lovely Mia Wasikowska). And then and then she thanked "God...Harvey Weinstein" and I almost died laughing. But the BEST part was when she thanked "everybody in England that let me come and trample all over their history" AND THEN THE CAMERA GOES TO MADGE!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my Harvey Weinstein, I almost died. DIED. (Because, um, she did exactly that with her stupid Nazi-sympathiser movie about Wallis Simpson). MERYL STREEP WINS AT LIFE.

3. Sofia Vergara. Everything about Sofia Vergara.
Can we just get Sofia Vergara to host everything, ever, everywhere? From her red carpet interview "She sends me dresses that they zip and they close" to her hilarious acceptance of 'Modern Family's award. Love her. Poor Julie Bowen, having to stand next to that.

2. Tina Fey video bomb
Tina was a little off last night, but she's still fucking awesome.Note: yes, I know both she and Amy were robbed. A lot of people were last night. Phew. It's a hard time, but I feel like we can all get through it.

1. ANYTHING WITH GEORGE CLOONEY IN IT, DUH. AND SUBSEQUENTLY BRANGELINA AND FASSY
Sooooo much great C-Bomb action last night, amirite??? From the cane, to the Brad bromance, to the Fassbender dick jokes...I mean, it was sort of Clooney's coming out. Which, by the way, I am totally cool with. But, before I get to those videos (no reason for me to write about it, George is better on film, always) I also want to give our man a different sort of props. I remember watching the red carpet live telecast and being absolutely downright shocked to see Clooney be interviewed so early on the red carpet. Like, I almost missed him. Folks this means that he was one of the first to arrive on the red carpet, and subsequently gave a shit-tonne of interviews. Yes, he is werking his Oscar campaign, but if you cast your mind back to 2011 you'll remember that it was Natalie Portman's year. She was a lock and she knew it. She turned up horrendously late to the Oscars and barely gave any interviews to any media outlet, not even taking advantage of her chance to shine a little spotlight for everybody else involved in the film, nothing. Clooney may be campaigning but he does it with a good attitude, a charming smile and gives good interview. So I DO want him to win, and I'll be happy for him if he does. Or Brad does. Or Fassy does. Or Gosling (as if, but still). Anyway, ENOUGH RANTING, onto the vids!

George Clooney makes fun of Brad's cane (skip to 0:50)

Full acceptance speech, bromancing Brad and coming out with his adoration of Fassy:

Thank you, once again, for making these things happen:

Best

Now for my Best lists! Yay! Don't we all feel much happier being positive and lovely about other women and stuff in general? Yes? Good. Unfortunately for us all though, it was slim-pickin's at the 69th Annual Golden Globe Awards. Indeed, I believe I liked (statistically) more dude outfits than ladies last night! I mean, it's not as hard for a guy to dress up but still. Onto the clothes!

Best Dressed (Ladies)

OBVIOUSLY Tilda Swinton cannot put a foot wrong. From the moment I saw the very top of her perfect quiff and nothing else, she was on my 'BEST EVER HELL YES' list. So. Yes. It's just a bonus that her outfit is also batshit awesome. As always.

I personally don't really care a whole lot for this one, but I can see it's one of the best, I guess. I like the headband. It's a pretty silhouette on her. She is very pretty. It's better than when she went to the Oscars as an Oscar.

A little Michelle Williams at the Oscars circa 2011 perhaps, but no less fabulous on Amy. This dress was also backless, so she had that going for her. As well as Will Arnett alongside her. And her gorgeous face. And glowy, shiny hair. AMY, I LOVE YOU. Just fyi.

Claire Danes' dress was clearly so fab because of the back detail, which she admitted herself, in her interview with Ryan Seacrest ("this is an over-the-shoulder dress *fierce pose*"). It's true. Love her red lipstick too, so sick of nude lipgloss on celebs. I may be biased with Claire right now because I just watched the most adorable, awesome video ever of her and Leo rehearsing the pool scene for 'Romeo + Juliet' so I have a lot of love for her at the moment. Deal.

Oh. My. God. Is there anyone more adorable and humble and gracious and lovely as Jessica Chastain?! If you've seen her in ANY interview you'd know the answer is a resounding 'no'. She's also fabulously talented and wearing beautifully detailed Givenchy. So, she wins. In fact, I'll tell you a little story about Miss Chastain. Last week, at the Palm Springs Film Festival, Jessica was in the middle of an interview and answering a question about who she wanted to meet that night/was simply excited to see. About 10 seconds after she said 'Gary Oldman', he comes up next to her, grabs her by the shoulders and says (according to Lainey), "looking sincerely into her eyes (not in a pervy way) that he thinks she’s lovely and how much he enjoys her work" to which she responded by bursting into tears and trying to compose herself. I mean...she's a big, big deal but totally endearingly oblivious to that fact. (Ok, fine, I don't like the mum hair, but I forgive her).

WHATEVER, I DON'T CARE IF YOU THINK I'M A HYPOCRITE IT'S JULIANNE MOORE. Look at that face! I think she is one of the most beautiful women on the planet. Her hair, that skin, those earrings...I'm in heavennnn.

 I didn't hate Melissa McCarthy's Emmy dress as much as everybody else, but I do think this is much, much better. It's custom Badgley Mischka and it's the same colour as her eyes. Goooorgeous.

MICHELLE. IN COLOUR. SMILING. WITH A CUTE HEADBAND. AND BUSY PHILLIPS AS HER DATE. Nothing Michelle does is ever bad for me (with the exception of the daisy dress last year) but this actually makes me super happy. The last time she wore all-colour on a major red carpet was the beautiful yellow Vera Wang at the Oscars, with Heath. Awe. Now that Kiki appears to be out of the running, I hope Michelle wins the Oscar.

I know. I didn't love this at first glance either, but it grew on me. SMG has a habit of being stupidly, adorably endearing and I can't help myself. YOU WIN AGAIN BUFFY.

Dame Helen. I mean, yep. Look for yourself. That waist, that skin, that colour...it's all good. Glad to see navy having a moment (as opposed to RED like last year).

Heidi got here just by the skin of her teeth. It's a bit shapeless, yes, but the turquoise jewellery really elevates the look. And I like the back. While her hair and makeup is also a general improvement on what she usually looks like, she should be rocking a coral lip with this peachy-nude ensemble. Just sayin'.

Best Dressed (Ladies - Overall)

Was there ever any doubt? Emma Stone in Lanvin captured my heart. The colour looks sublime on her and she has an eagle belt buckle. So. Yes. She wins at life. Particularly as she is currently banging Andrew Garfield.

I also expected great things from Evan Rachel Wood and I was not disappointed. The second I saw her, I gasped and did a few happy claps. It's a gorgeous colour on her/the carpet, the sequins, the feathers...so many stunning details. Look at her. She knows she rocked it. Her kiss and cuddle with George Clooney during the ceremony also made me squeal, but would have loved to see her cavorting with her brand new fiance, Jamie Bell. Sigh. 

 Best Dressed (Dudes)

A man not in black! Well done Ricky Gervais, you win this one. Even if you did leave your own Golden Globes at home and behaved yourself this year. Bor-ring. I expected more from you.

 Colin Firth in what I'm assuming is, as always, Tom Ford. It's a winning combination, every time.

FASSY!!!! I don't know if it's actually possible for him to look bad, ever, but Michael Fassbender looks downright bangin'. I'd hit it. All day. And forever. Zoe Kravitz you are seriously deranged leaving Fassy for LONELY BOY (aka Penn Badgley) you crazy, crazy girl.

Leo has DEFINITELY still got it. You start to see him in all these paparazzi shots, and he's in shorts and long socks and you forget how mighty his appeal can be when he turns it on. A shower, slicked back hair and a well-cut suit later...I feel all hot and flustered.

Best Dude

NO, DUH. George Clooney was the big winner of the night (as long as it's not the dude from 'The Artist' at the Oscars, I'll be alright with whoever wins Best Actor. As long as it's George or Brad or Fassy) and he looked it. I just wish he knew that while Stacy seems like a very nice lady, he doesn't need her for his Oscar campaign. We'll love him anyway. You can do it without her George! I love you, but. Do whatever you want. Kiss. George Clooney for President! Of Hollywood, anyway.

Best Couple (Double DUH)

If George Clooney is the President of Hollywood, Brangelina are obviously King and Queen. I look forward to seeing them on the red carpet so badly, I crave the Pitt Porn. Every detail about them as a couple, in public, is pre-determined, down to the tiniest little detail. They reveal exactly as much as they want, and they decide what they want to say about themselves as a couple, with juuust enough to give us a taste and leave us wanting more. And I love it. I love watching them. I love what she's wearing, I LOVE her red lipstick, I love how only he ever opens her car door, I love how they look at each other when they're on stage, I love when she reminds us why we fawn all over her beauty, I. LOVE. IT. Brangelina forever!

Best 'if only'

If only these people actually attended/were nominated/whatever last night, my life would have been a lot happier today and these Best lists would have been a little bit longer, I just know it.

Kirsten Dunst
Ryan Gosling
Ryan Reynolds
Elizabeth Olsen

You were all missed.