Best

Now for my Best lists! Yay! Don't we all feel much happier being positive and lovely about other women and stuff in general? Yes? Good. Unfortunately for us all though, it was slim-pickin's at the 69th Annual Golden Globe Awards. Indeed, I believe I liked (statistically) more dude outfits than ladies last night! I mean, it's not as hard for a guy to dress up but still. Onto the clothes!

Best Dressed (Ladies)

OBVIOUSLY Tilda Swinton cannot put a foot wrong. From the moment I saw the very top of her perfect quiff and nothing else, she was on my 'BEST EVER HELL YES' list. So. Yes. It's just a bonus that her outfit is also batshit awesome. As always.

I personally don't really care a whole lot for this one, but I can see it's one of the best, I guess. I like the headband. It's a pretty silhouette on her. She is very pretty. It's better than when she went to the Oscars as an Oscar.

A little Michelle Williams at the Oscars circa 2011 perhaps, but no less fabulous on Amy. This dress was also backless, so she had that going for her. As well as Will Arnett alongside her. And her gorgeous face. And glowy, shiny hair. AMY, I LOVE YOU. Just fyi.

Claire Danes' dress was clearly so fab because of the back detail, which she admitted herself, in her interview with Ryan Seacrest ("this is an over-the-shoulder dress *fierce pose*"). It's true. Love her red lipstick too, so sick of nude lipgloss on celebs. I may be biased with Claire right now because I just watched the most adorable, awesome video ever of her and Leo rehearsing the pool scene for 'Romeo + Juliet' so I have a lot of love for her at the moment. Deal.

Oh. My. God. Is there anyone more adorable and humble and gracious and lovely as Jessica Chastain?! If you've seen her in ANY interview you'd know the answer is a resounding 'no'. She's also fabulously talented and wearing beautifully detailed Givenchy. So, she wins. In fact, I'll tell you a little story about Miss Chastain. Last week, at the Palm Springs Film Festival, Jessica was in the middle of an interview and answering a question about who she wanted to meet that night/was simply excited to see. About 10 seconds after she said 'Gary Oldman', he comes up next to her, grabs her by the shoulders and says (according to Lainey), "looking sincerely into her eyes (not in a pervy way) that he thinks she’s lovely and how much he enjoys her work" to which she responded by bursting into tears and trying to compose herself. I mean...she's a big, big deal but totally endearingly oblivious to that fact. (Ok, fine, I don't like the mum hair, but I forgive her).

WHATEVER, I DON'T CARE IF YOU THINK I'M A HYPOCRITE IT'S JULIANNE MOORE. Look at that face! I think she is one of the most beautiful women on the planet. Her hair, that skin, those earrings...I'm in heavennnn.

 I didn't hate Melissa McCarthy's Emmy dress as much as everybody else, but I do think this is much, much better. It's custom Badgley Mischka and it's the same colour as her eyes. Goooorgeous.

MICHELLE. IN COLOUR. SMILING. WITH A CUTE HEADBAND. AND BUSY PHILLIPS AS HER DATE. Nothing Michelle does is ever bad for me (with the exception of the daisy dress last year) but this actually makes me super happy. The last time she wore all-colour on a major red carpet was the beautiful yellow Vera Wang at the Oscars, with Heath. Awe. Now that Kiki appears to be out of the running, I hope Michelle wins the Oscar.

I know. I didn't love this at first glance either, but it grew on me. SMG has a habit of being stupidly, adorably endearing and I can't help myself. YOU WIN AGAIN BUFFY.

Dame Helen. I mean, yep. Look for yourself. That waist, that skin, that colour...it's all good. Glad to see navy having a moment (as opposed to RED like last year).

Heidi got here just by the skin of her teeth. It's a bit shapeless, yes, but the turquoise jewellery really elevates the look. And I like the back. While her hair and makeup is also a general improvement on what she usually looks like, she should be rocking a coral lip with this peachy-nude ensemble. Just sayin'.

Best Dressed (Ladies - Overall)

Was there ever any doubt? Emma Stone in Lanvin captured my heart. The colour looks sublime on her and she has an eagle belt buckle. So. Yes. She wins at life. Particularly as she is currently banging Andrew Garfield.

I also expected great things from Evan Rachel Wood and I was not disappointed. The second I saw her, I gasped and did a few happy claps. It's a gorgeous colour on her/the carpet, the sequins, the feathers...so many stunning details. Look at her. She knows she rocked it. Her kiss and cuddle with George Clooney during the ceremony also made me squeal, but would have loved to see her cavorting with her brand new fiance, Jamie Bell. Sigh. 

 Best Dressed (Dudes)

A man not in black! Well done Ricky Gervais, you win this one. Even if you did leave your own Golden Globes at home and behaved yourself this year. Bor-ring. I expected more from you.

 Colin Firth in what I'm assuming is, as always, Tom Ford. It's a winning combination, every time.

FASSY!!!! I don't know if it's actually possible for him to look bad, ever, but Michael Fassbender looks downright bangin'. I'd hit it. All day. And forever. Zoe Kravitz you are seriously deranged leaving Fassy for LONELY BOY (aka Penn Badgley) you crazy, crazy girl.

Leo has DEFINITELY still got it. You start to see him in all these paparazzi shots, and he's in shorts and long socks and you forget how mighty his appeal can be when he turns it on. A shower, slicked back hair and a well-cut suit later...I feel all hot and flustered.

Best Dude

NO, DUH. George Clooney was the big winner of the night (as long as it's not the dude from 'The Artist' at the Oscars, I'll be alright with whoever wins Best Actor. As long as it's George or Brad or Fassy) and he looked it. I just wish he knew that while Stacy seems like a very nice lady, he doesn't need her for his Oscar campaign. We'll love him anyway. You can do it without her George! I love you, but. Do whatever you want. Kiss. George Clooney for President! Of Hollywood, anyway.

Best Couple (Double DUH)

If George Clooney is the President of Hollywood, Brangelina are obviously King and Queen. I look forward to seeing them on the red carpet so badly, I crave the Pitt Porn. Every detail about them as a couple, in public, is pre-determined, down to the tiniest little detail. They reveal exactly as much as they want, and they decide what they want to say about themselves as a couple, with juuust enough to give us a taste and leave us wanting more. And I love it. I love watching them. I love what she's wearing, I LOVE her red lipstick, I love how only he ever opens her car door, I love how they look at each other when they're on stage, I love when she reminds us why we fawn all over her beauty, I. LOVE. IT. Brangelina forever!

Best 'if only'

If only these people actually attended/were nominated/whatever last night, my life would have been a lot happier today and these Best lists would have been a little bit longer, I just know it.

Kirsten Dunst
Ryan Gosling
Ryan Reynolds
Elizabeth Olsen

You were all missed.

Worst

The Golden Globes took place on Jan 16th and as you can imagine, I have a lot of thoughts. Mostly, they went along the lines of "WHAT? WHYYY?", "That person is drunk", "I want to sleep with that person", and "George Clooney, don't you know you don't need to have a lame-ass girlfriend to win these things? You're the Boss!"

But mostly I care about the clothes. Happily, THANKFULLY, there was NOT an overwhelming display of blush, nude, sparkly ballgown numbers around (though there was a lot of nudey peach, but that's more acceptable) but there also really wasn't much of anything really. I hope we can expect more from the Oscars because the Globes, in terms of outfits, were entirely underwhelming and the men impressed me much more than the women.

I've got a few blogs coming up, because if I write about all my feelings re: Globes in one post, it will go on forever and nobody will read it.

SO. We begin, of course, with worst dressed. This list sort of surprises/pains even me because so many of these beauteous creatures are usually on my Best Dressed List. And now they're not. Step up your game folks!

Worst Dressed

 

Oh, Amanda Peet. Did you wear this horrendous thing so that people would be talking about you again? Here's a hint: dress pretty and find a way to get me Jack and Jill on DVD and I'll talk about you then.

If you read my blog last week, you know my thoughts about Natalie Portman. And this disgusting, vile pink and red monstrosity has done nothing to assuage how I feel about her. PINK. AND. RED.

Ah, the first of the fishtail/mermaid gowns. This was a glaring trend last night and an awful one. You know me, I've always hated a fishtail. I don't think it suits ANYBODY, it's unflattering, it's weird and it looks like you can't walk. Too difficult. And not even The Body can make this silhouette work. Also it's just, like, an ugly dress.

I don't think Freida Pinto has ever made one of my Worsts lists, and yet, here she is. This makes me sad. The colour is kinda nice and the bodice fits well...that's about it really. The bottom part...well, it's unflattering at best.

Kate! Noooooooooo! I went back and forth with this one, but only after I saw this pic. During the red carpet and ceremony, I hated it. So I'm sticking with my original gut feeling. I'm thinking it didn't move very well? It looked like it didn't fit right, and yet, I quite like the top bit in this picture. Hmmm. Maybe it's just better stationary. That wasn't very helpful. Stoked she won though! ALSO: no Leo + Kate moment?! WTF?? THEY ARE BEST FRIENDS AND WE GET NOTHING?

The way I feel about Rooney Mara is akin to how I feel about Natalie Portman. However, Rooney is more open about the fact that she is a cunt (refers to herself as 'aloof', bitches about all her previous acting jobs which apparently were unworthy of her extreme talent, etc.) so I guess we give her props for that. She also, apparently, finds it beneath her to smile/show appreciation for being nominated/acknowledge what an honour this is for an actor or actress/demonstrate any form of humility/act like a decent human being. Take some lessons from Jessica Chastain, bitch.
                                                      

HEY YOU GUYS, DID YOU KNOW THAT JESSICA BIEL IS GETTING MARRIED THIS YEAR? She turned up in a wedding dress, so I'm guessing that's why she was there? To remind us? That she gets to marry a loser cheater and be his #1 girl. Which he is finally cool with, coz she'll let him get his on the side, as long as she gets to be his bona fide? Ugh. Her career certainly isn't adequate enough reason to let her present "Best Television Series for a Comedy or Musical". Also, Leighton did it better last year, in Burberry.

Sigh, another painful one. Kristen Wiig I LOVE your ass, and I so, so wanted 'Bridesmaids' to win (you were robbed) and yet when you turn up like this, you give me no choice (I love commas!). There's no colour! Your hair is so dark and monochrome! I like your necklace though. And that you're currently banging Fabrizio Moretti from The Srokes. But mostly, I like how you used to look before you figured you had to 'grow up' or something.

Haha. Hahahahaha. Not only is this a butt-ugly dress, but Lea Michele actually looks like she's in pain, trying to contort herself into those positions. Have you seen her try to do it on film? She's become renowned for it now and people mock her...yet, she doesn't stop. Does she think she looks good? Does she think people admire her fierce contortions? Gurl, relax, we just want to shake you out.

Durrr. This is effing disgusting. I will give Madge props though for her new new face. It looks great, much better than her old new face.

I know. I KNOW. It's Meryl Streep. Who gives a shit what list she is on, she is above petty lists by pathetic anonymous bloggers, and yet...she was nominated. She was one of the frontrunners. What the hell? She usually turns it out when she thinks she has a chance of winning. I don't know.

Another one not usually on my Worst list! Sad, saggy blah black dress? Boring makeup? She was very, very 'meh' all evening, even in her interviews. Perk up, ladypants, you can't always be in a hugely nominated film! You take what you can!

Why is, Kelly Osbourne? Shit, I hate her. How dare she be allowed to provide commentary on other people's fashions when she turns up looking like this, and worse. Joan Rivers may be a kook but at least she's funny! Giuliana may not always be stunning but at least she's likeable! All Kelly does is point out when other women look fat and pat herself on the back for losing weight. Also, her hair is purple. Far out. I can't even...

So, Dianna Agron is a figure skater now? If Rachel McAdams only just barely pulled off her version (in context: Cannes, and she was the star of the premiere), Dianna should be slaughtered for even trying.

Oh. Piper Perabo. I don't even...I just...nope, I don't have anything. I just can't with this.

Reese Witherspoon is trying to be sexy now, did you know? Good for her, but 'sexy' ain't her bag. Beautiful, yes. Elegant, definitely. Sexy? Hellz no. On top of the fact that it was red (on the red carpet...) and it was a fishtail gown, it didn't fit right. It looked tight and bunched-up around her middle and reaaally precariously loose on her boobies. You can kind of see it in the second pic, but watching footage of her...I was worried we were gonna see the girls. Plus her hair just looks messy. Reese looks better sleek.

This one kpisses me off the most. Of all the people in Hollywood, Salma Hayek has no excuse. With her connections (her husband Francois-Henri Pinault is the CEO of a company that owns YSL, Gucci and Balenciaga to name a few) she should be wearing something amazing, not this disgusting shiny thing. Oh my God.

Tinaaaa!!!! Nooooooooo! I almost put this on the Best list, just because of Tina, but I really can't. It's a (voluminous!) fishtail, it's ruched in places it shouldn't be...eek. I WILL give her snaps for colour and a stunning, stunning face though. Her hair and makeup are divine. I'm sorry Tina. I love you. Always. Oh geez, I'm starting to sweat and my hands are shaking...I should put this in the best column, shouldn't I?! I LOVE YOUU <3

Zooey, not so much. I think she has finally moved herself from the 'cute and a little bit quirky' to just 'plain annoying' column. A lot of pictures in my Google search were of her doing stupid cutesy poses like that. Also, her 'custom' Prada dress fit badly and looked like it was about three different outfits in one. I like Emily better now! See how genuine and adorbs she looks?! OH AND look at the hideous sideburn type things happening with Zooey's hair!!! What IS that?!

Worst Boys

Adam Levine is SUCH a douchebag, I know this, and yet still he surprises me. I intensely dislike him. Also, he was incredibly, incredibly rude to Giuliana Rancic during his interview and she remained so charming and professional and sweet and I just wanted to punch him. Dude, why were you even there?! Shut your damn mouth with your goddamn attitude and refusal to answer questions - what the hell else was Giuliana supposed to ask you about (seeing as though you pretty much have no reason to be there)??? Ugh, sit DOWN Adam Levine. Props to Giuliana though, the consummate professional. Who, by the way, is battling breast cancer and a double mastectomy and would probably much rather be doing other things than interview your ungrateful, sanctominous ass so show some goddamn respect ADAM.

Duh. The douchiest of douchey douchebags. Such a vile sleaze and yet this twat gets celebrated and rewarded every day in Hollywood (I'm talking about his paycheck and being asked to present an award). Blegh.

Gerard Butler. I don't get it ladies/some gentlemen. Really? This scruffy, spitty, sleazebag? REALLY? I mean, sure I cried in 'P.S. I love you' but...really? Yes? This is a sexy dream guy for so many of you? I give up.

Stay tuned for my Best list + what I think were the most memorable moments.

Everyday no makeup makeup

A dear friend of mine was left incredulous after one of my recent makeup posts where I claimed to use about a bazillion products "literally every day" and to be honest, I don't think she believed that I did actually use them. In fact, I think a lot of people who see me on a daily basis would not believe how many products I have on my face.

So to appease Bel, today I am going to outline my daily makeup routine + the slight variations of the same look that get me through almost every occasion.

The base I always, always start with. ALWAYS.

Skin:

- First and foremost, eye cream. I have terrible dark circles so I use eyecream every morning and night to rehydrate. Wait for a few minutes before you do anything else to let it do it's job.
- I then apply a pore minimizer to give me a nice smooth base before I apply any makeup. I quite enjoy Estee Lauder's Idealist Pore Minimizing Skin Refinisher. You only need like 3 drops for the whole face.
- Moisturiser. Derrr. My skin is incredibly dry so I heart First Aid Beauty Ultra Repair Cream.
- Depending on if I'm going to need my makeup to stay on for a while, or if I'm going to a special event, I would apply primer here, as it makes your slap stay put for ages. NP Set works for me.
- Depending on if it's a day/night look, I then apply tinted moisturiser or foundation. Tinted moisturiser for the middle of summer, sheer foundation like Chanel Vitalumiere Aqua or Napoleon's Sheer Genius for day and for more full coverage I go for Napoleon's China Doll foundation.
- FINALLY I finish off my base with concealer. Ever since discovering the magic of a concealer that matches my foundation and is not almost white I've never been happier. One needs so much less foundation if one has a great concealer. Benefit's Boi-ing concealer is the greatest as it works wonders on blemishes and pimples but can also be creamy enough (if you warm it on your fingers) to use on the delicate under-eye area.

Eyes:
- I start with an eye primer that's the same as my skin tone (Laura Mercier's Eye Basics in wheat). Even if I'm not wearing eye shadow that day, I still use this product. It evens out the skin tone on the eyelid, hides capillaries, whatever. It's genius.
- And if I DO decide to wear eye shadow, the previous step acts as the perfect base to keep it all in place and prevent creasing. Which brings me to Clinique's lid smoothies! These are cream eye shadows which I then apply over the top of the primer. Cashew Later is a beautiful, magic, divine almost non-colour that makes you look all wide-awake and refreshed and opens up those peepers. Nice.
- I then line my lower waterline (you know, inside the bottom lashes) with Benefit's Eye Bright eyeliner. A fleshy-coloured eyeliner that also aids me in my mission to look awake as it helps counteract redness. More flattering than stark white.
- Mascara obviously is the finishing touch. Brown if I'm going for a really 'natural' look and black if I want full, thick lashes (Maybelline Volum' Express Falsies).

So that is my default preparation, every day. It takes me about 5 minutes. Then I just add any of these variations depending on my mood:
- Peach creme blush on the apples of my cheeks + peachy lip balm/lipstick.
- Stain on my cheeks and lips in either pink (Benefit's Posietint) or coral (Benefit's Cha Cha Tint) + Burt's Bees lip balm.
- Bronzer applied on the high points of the face for an all-over 'sunkissed' look. But a lot of people can't tell when I'm 'bronzed' because I just look like other peoples 'normal alive colour'.
- If I need a little glowy-ness I also add some illuminator. Benefit Watts Up is my fave at the moment because it's a stick so it's really easy + quick to apply with no streakiness and makes you look all golden. Prettttty.
- Will often also press a little powder eyeshadow on top of the cream shadow in a taupey-latte colour. It not only sets it for hours but makes you look a little more 'done' without being over the top made up.

And then I look a little something like this!:

It all looks so effortless. LIKE I'M NOT EVEN WEARING ANYTHING. Oh my god. I know you're wondering if it's even worth it...but trust me it is an improvement on what I'm working with.

Come clean Natalie Portman

Let me preface this by acknowledging that yes, I know this is a petty mean-spirited post. However, for the past 16 years or so, I've spent most of my free time reading trash magazines and more recently, gossip blogs. It's what I do, it's what I know, it's what I have opinions about. These are the issues that matter to me. And highlighting what a douchebag I think Natalie Portman is fits into that. Deal.

I'm not going to lie, I, like many others was once enamoured with Natalie Portman. I thought she was adorable and cute and funny and a decent actress (my favourite quote from 'Garden State': "Are you actually retarded?" Sigh. Such perfect delivery). In hindsight, I cringe at the thought that she duped me too.

She still has many, many loyal supporters and guys LOVE her, but I feel like I've become more aware (through watching her Oscars campaign, reading her interviews, seeing pap shots, reading articles about her etc not actually knowing her - I'm aware of this) of what she's really like and I want to slap her sanctimonious douchey face.

But before I get too violent, let's start with when she first began annoying me. Other than taking herself super seriously (she is in fact renowned for being pretty bitchy in Hollywood Lalaland), her Oscars campaign flipped the switch into full-blown irritating as HELL. Sometimes I wonder if she became pregnant on purpose, to secure an Oscar win. However now I have other theories about her pregnancy that sort of disprove this. But I wouldn't have put it past her. And if you seriously doubt she was campaigning at all, she was, hard and it was in the most annoying way possible. Stay tuned for her Globes appearance.

Aside from the ATROCIOUS fashions she wore during awards season (that satin Victor and Rolf sheet, secured with a red glittery flower? The french twist? vom vom vom) it was her sugary, sweet-as-pie, gag-inducing, holier-than-thou attitude that really did it for me.

Uuuuuuugh. Did you see the way she gazed at that ballerina fool through her lashes? The smug little wanky smile? I feel like nothing about her is genuine. From the second they read her name, she put on a sickeningly beautiful performance. I'm sure many, many people ate this up. I felt sick. "Continuing this creation of bringing more life..." oh my god. Stop. Interviews she did during this time were just as bad. Think quotes such as "I have been swimming every day. When I am in my womb-like environment, I am hoping the baby is feeling peaceful" and "I told Darren Aronofsky, I was like, 'First you got me skinny, and now you're getting me fat,' because he introduced me to my fiance. It's the greatest gift he ever gave me." Ah, plot-foreshadowing, dontcha love it?

Her Oscars speech wasn't as bad, but she still managed to annoy the living daylights out of me. After campaigning so hard, Natalie knew she had this in the bag. She was so sure in fact, she didn't even pretend to act surprised when they read her name. See that smile? That girl has 'entitled' written all over her perfectly gorgeous face. Ugh. Annette Bening for the win.

You probably think I'm being harsh on her. But before 'Black Swan' Portman was snarky, she had an attitude, she was known for how private she liked to be, girl kept her shit locked down. Her bitchface is brilliant. (N.B. I know she is already pregnant in this shot, but this is my favourite favourite bitchface of hers from ever) And then post-nomination, she gets pregnant and she's all about gushing about her private life. Gurl, please.

Anyway. So that was just a little insight into why Natalie Portman annoys me. Not a big deal. I just wanted to demonstrate why I felt so irritated by her. Her campaign didn'y fly with me.

However, in addition to simply making me gag with her 'creating creation' bullshit speech, she also talks about meeting her fiance on the set of 'Black Swan'. Who was in a long-term relationship when he met her. This shady dude is a grade-A douche which you can read about here: http://laineygossip.com/Articles/Details/19180/The-Smutty-World-of-Benjamin-Ballet. His shady past probably helps to explain why he has agreed to marry her and act as her baby daddy. I think he's a money-hungry famewhore and has thus agreed to be Mr. Portman. Probably not a big deal you're thinking, raising the kid, as he does in fact appear to be the father.

But this blind item made me (and most of the internet) think otherwise:
When this famous director dropped out of a high-profile project, there was some speculation that it was due to personal rather than professional reasons. He had broken up with an actress last year, and it was believed that each was taking time off from work to battle over the custody of their child/ren. What isn’t public knowledge is that their breakup was due in large part to his affair with another actress… who became pregnant with his baby. The jury is still out on whether or not any of the three will ever acknowledge the affair and/or the baby's paternity.

Read more at ONTD: http://ohnotheydidnt.livejournal.com/58682049.html#ixzz1j6tnUNzy

The verdict appears to be that Darren Aronofsky is the famous director, the high profile project that was dropped was 'Wolverine', the actress he had broken up with was Rachel Weisz (who may have conducted her own little affair with Daniel Craig) and the custody battle was over their child, Henry. The other actress, is, obviously Natalie Portman...who became pregnant with his baby.

It kills me that this wide-eyed angelic princess used her pregnancy to win an Oscar, after (allegedly) breaking up a marriage to do so. Allegedly. But let's take a look at the pics shall we?

As IF this isn't the real baby daddy:

PHEW. End rant. Fluffy makeup blog to come later in the week.